Sayin' a quick 'hey'.

So, to my possibly non-existent readers (one follower as of now...thanks, friend! :D), I wanted to apologize for not writing very often this month. As some of you might now, my girlfriend has been visiting, and it makes very little sense for me to ramble about life here when I can just go live it with her, you know?

Soon, though, I'll be going back to school -- and she'll be gone -- and I'm sure there will be more writing then. I just wanted to keep you posted. : )

: (

So, I woke up sad. That's no fun, is it? I mean, especially because I can't pinpoint the reason.

Still, there's lots of things to be happy about. We just finished our second weekend of the show, and it has been going wonderfully. I've heard comments all around town about it, my sister (the director) is very pleased, and the cast feels like a family (complete with those brothers and sisters that drive you UP THE WALL). Also, an AMAZING this is happening tomorrow --- I think just what it is can go without saying.

But feeling bummed out in the morning is no fun. I've found a few things to blame it on. 1) My foot -- I dropped boiling water on my foot the other day, and it is still in pain -- not hugely, it's completely tolerable, but it hurts enough to hinder my wanting to exercise, which makes me feel like a blob. 2) Money. Need I say more? It's complicated and it sucks. 3) I don't know. :(

Okay, I need to go and work this out of my system. See you later, all.

I could really use a hug right now.

One Bad Apple opened last night. We had a wonderful audience who laughed and gave us so much energy, and the cast took that energy and ran with it, and it was an AMAZING opening night. Absolutely fantastic. I want to send my thanks out to everyone who made it possible for this to happen. (Sidenote -- when I was little, I used to imagine that when I was thinking of someone, a little beam of golden light was coming out of me and connecting me to the person that I was thinking of, and that if I thought of enough people at once ((used to be my way of praying, of giving thanks)), then I would just start to glow all over and be like a star...)

However, this morning, my sister and I noticed that our hamster, Fiona, wasn't looking so good. Fiona is actually the hamster of my sister and her roommate, and has been around for about a year, but she was staying with us over the summer. I don't want to drag out the story, but about two hours after we found her hunched over and breathing raggedly, she died. I -- can't bring myself to actually explain what happened, but she was in my hands, and I felt her shudder and her claws just began to clench all of a sudden and ----

I've never cried from fear before, but this was one of the scariest things that has happened to me in my life. Probably the scariest, watching something die in my hands.

We buried her. I'm still trembling and cannot believe it actually happened. I didn't know her very well at all -- I only saw her for a couple months this summer, but we certainly spent a lot of time together today. That was kind of huge. My thoughts are with my sister, who is really hurting about it. And my heart also goes to my other animals -- Abby, Tigger, Summer, and Cosmo --- they mean so much to me.

Only one night.

So, the play opens tomorrow. Tonight's dress rehearsal with preview audience went well enough -- they crowd was a quiet one, which no one was really expecting, but hopefully it will be livelier tomorrow. Everyone in the cast did a really good job, though.

And as for me, I also got my driver's license today. I was totally thrilled and was floating about it for a good hour after it happened.

Now, as it's getting near time to go to sleep, I'm feeling my mood begin to dip a little bit, and -- yeah. That's not so fun. I don't know if there's a real reason, but it is what it is. I think I will go to sleep so I can be rested for our wonderful show, and I hope everyone is enjoying their July.

Night night.

: )

Hey!

So, the last two nights (including this one), my shifts at work (a cafe) have ended around 11:15, hence the lack of writing, but I wanted to say that tonight, a lady not much older than I gave me a fifteen-dollar tip on a four-dollar drink because she read my tip jar and said she understood how hard it could be to pay for college.

It made me so happy and not just because of the money -- it made me promise myself that I would do something that nice for someone that I don't know at all someday.

So, maybe underneath it all, people are awesome. :)

A night of little rants...

Hey.

So, I was just sitting here, wondering what happened to the brilliant and bright mood that I was in when I left a fantastic play rehearsal, when my phone vibrated and I received a rather disappointing text, and then I realized that there were a few small, snippy thoughts in me, and that maybe if I vented them here, I'd feel better.

Here goes. (For anyone who sees me tomorrow, don't worry! These aren't huge things! I'm just trying to appease the beast, you know? The crabby mood. Anything to make it go away!)

1 - The world of cell phones has brought about a whole new bundle of problems. For one, my generation has slipped into texting and picture taking and calling and everything, and I don't have a problem with it and I don't think anyone should (when the use is within reason, you know?), and yet, and yet, when some (no offense) older person calls anyone out on it, or insults texting or something in general, I feel called to defend our actions, the actions of today's youth. Maybe this is my problem, but still -- why do we all have to gripe about change? I'm sure I'll do it when I'm old and my grandchildren are going joyriding in a hovercar, but.. I don't know. I don't like the blame.
Another cell phone problem -- one word texts! This comment may be lost on our older readers (If I have any), but for those of you who are at least near my age -- this problem is the one that prompted this post. I was involved in a conversation with a friend and wanted a real reply and got simply "Yeah." as a response, and --- well, the context is irrelevant. Sometimes it's annoying is all that I'm saying. Rants don't have to make total sense, right?

2 - Number two is more like a confession. It's about one of the people who I admire most musically and theatrically - Lady Gaga. I love her music -- completely love -- her songs have brought me to tears and I believe she has made incredible changes in our world. I admire completely the stance she has taken for LGBTQ rights, and -- I'm a fan, okay ? What are we called? Little Monsters? Yes. All of that. But -- sometimes, I see pictures, and I know that she dresses in these outfits so that no one has to feel strange or out of place or weird, so that everyone is welcome --- but sometimes I just think they're too strange. :( I know some pretty intense fans around whom I couldn't say this, but it's always on my mind when I see photos or videos of her.

(Whew. That felt good to say. Huh. What does it say about me that I hold something like that in? Something that has nothing to do with anyone that I know? I mean -- well, music is a very personal thing, and so are musicians for some folks, I guess. I suppose I'm protecting that.)

3 - I wish I wouldn't cry so easily at movies/books/music.

4 - I wish my parents weren't divorced.

5 - Sometimes, I wish we didn't have cats because I get irrationally angry when I find cat hair on my clothing, and then I look at them and know that they can't help it, and I feel bad for being angry with them.

6 - I don't know what I'm going to do when my dog dies. I think I won't think about it.

7 - I'm really nervous about going back to work at the café tomorrow. Odds are, I'm going to have forgotten something (it has been a year), and if nothing in the system there has really changed since I was there before, when that happens, I'm going to get hollered at. I don't like being yelled at. I don't think anyone does. I just hope I can hold that off, and remember that I am earning money again, which is a nice thing to keep in mind.

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This has been E's crazy rant night, thanks for reading. We hope to join you with more sense and sensibility tomorrow or this weekend!

"In Your Heart"

That is the title of my song in the play (One Bad Apple). My character, Raphe, gets promoted to the rank of archangel in the first scene, in the middle of the first song. Through the play, he/she (it's a gender neutral role) I'd like to think that he/she grows in his/her role as archangel, and in the second act, the song comes around.

I don't know if many of you know my history with singing. My father is a great singer and musician (saxophone, bass, piano). My mother is a great singer and musician (oboe, violin, piano, guitar). My sister is a phenomenal singer. I dabble at singing. I'm not downplaying my musical senses -- it's true that I have been very lucky and have inherited a fairly good ear and the ability to remember songs in their original keys (though I do not have perfect pitch), and I have the ear to know when I am off if I am while singing, but not always the ability to correct it. And this is bothersome enough when one is in chorus in elementary school or singing in the shower.

More than half of this song is a solo for me. Very often, before the scene starts, I wonder why I accepted the role. Then, I get on stage, and the chorus comes on behind me and ---

Let me just let you know the energy of it. My song is a plea to Adam and Eve who have been thrown out of the Garden, asking them to pray to God to forgive them, because I think it's their last chance. They don't know how to pray, they don't think that God loves them. So my song, the main riff from it is me almost shouting "Do you think that God's up there?" and the chorus hollering back "NO! - Heaven isn't in the air." Then I respond with "Let your heart decide what's real!" and they reply "Heaven is what you feel." -- "Salvation is within your heart." That's my battle cry.

Considering the crazy transitions and contortions and transformations that my spirituality and faith have gone through, it's astounding just how much of this song that I happen to sing as this character really rings true for me. The sentiment of it at the very least.

And to have a gospel-style chorus backing me up on stage? How often in my life am I going to get to have a moment like that???

So tonight, at rehearsal, I got into it enough to stop being scared about how it sounded or how I looked. The chorus sounded fantastic, I was floating on all of their energy and throwing out sparks of my own, and I had the kind of moment afterwards that my sister, an experienced actress, has explained to me before -- the kind of thing I've only experienced with dance before. That being: you step off the stage and can't even really remember what happened when you were on stage. You were that in the moment.

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I guess I decided to give you a little detail about the play tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight's rehearsal really made an impression on me.

Alright. Now, I do believe it is time for bed.

(Side note - I have the hiccups now for the fourth time today. I really, reheheeeally (channeling Dr. Cox here) don't want that to happen during a performance!)