"In Your Heart"

That is the title of my song in the play (One Bad Apple). My character, Raphe, gets promoted to the rank of archangel in the first scene, in the middle of the first song. Through the play, he/she (it's a gender neutral role) I'd like to think that he/she grows in his/her role as archangel, and in the second act, the song comes around.

I don't know if many of you know my history with singing. My father is a great singer and musician (saxophone, bass, piano). My mother is a great singer and musician (oboe, violin, piano, guitar). My sister is a phenomenal singer. I dabble at singing. I'm not downplaying my musical senses -- it's true that I have been very lucky and have inherited a fairly good ear and the ability to remember songs in their original keys (though I do not have perfect pitch), and I have the ear to know when I am off if I am while singing, but not always the ability to correct it. And this is bothersome enough when one is in chorus in elementary school or singing in the shower.

More than half of this song is a solo for me. Very often, before the scene starts, I wonder why I accepted the role. Then, I get on stage, and the chorus comes on behind me and ---

Let me just let you know the energy of it. My song is a plea to Adam and Eve who have been thrown out of the Garden, asking them to pray to God to forgive them, because I think it's their last chance. They don't know how to pray, they don't think that God loves them. So my song, the main riff from it is me almost shouting "Do you think that God's up there?" and the chorus hollering back "NO! - Heaven isn't in the air." Then I respond with "Let your heart decide what's real!" and they reply "Heaven is what you feel." -- "Salvation is within your heart." That's my battle cry.

Considering the crazy transitions and contortions and transformations that my spirituality and faith have gone through, it's astounding just how much of this song that I happen to sing as this character really rings true for me. The sentiment of it at the very least.

And to have a gospel-style chorus backing me up on stage? How often in my life am I going to get to have a moment like that???

So tonight, at rehearsal, I got into it enough to stop being scared about how it sounded or how I looked. The chorus sounded fantastic, I was floating on all of their energy and throwing out sparks of my own, and I had the kind of moment afterwards that my sister, an experienced actress, has explained to me before -- the kind of thing I've only experienced with dance before. That being: you step off the stage and can't even really remember what happened when you were on stage. You were that in the moment.

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I guess I decided to give you a little detail about the play tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight's rehearsal really made an impression on me.

Alright. Now, I do believe it is time for bed.

(Side note - I have the hiccups now for the fourth time today. I really, reheheeeally (channeling Dr. Cox here) don't want that to happen during a performance!)