A night of little rants...

Hey.

So, I was just sitting here, wondering what happened to the brilliant and bright mood that I was in when I left a fantastic play rehearsal, when my phone vibrated and I received a rather disappointing text, and then I realized that there were a few small, snippy thoughts in me, and that maybe if I vented them here, I'd feel better.

Here goes. (For anyone who sees me tomorrow, don't worry! These aren't huge things! I'm just trying to appease the beast, you know? The crabby mood. Anything to make it go away!)

1 - The world of cell phones has brought about a whole new bundle of problems. For one, my generation has slipped into texting and picture taking and calling and everything, and I don't have a problem with it and I don't think anyone should (when the use is within reason, you know?), and yet, and yet, when some (no offense) older person calls anyone out on it, or insults texting or something in general, I feel called to defend our actions, the actions of today's youth. Maybe this is my problem, but still -- why do we all have to gripe about change? I'm sure I'll do it when I'm old and my grandchildren are going joyriding in a hovercar, but.. I don't know. I don't like the blame.
Another cell phone problem -- one word texts! This comment may be lost on our older readers (If I have any), but for those of you who are at least near my age -- this problem is the one that prompted this post. I was involved in a conversation with a friend and wanted a real reply and got simply "Yeah." as a response, and --- well, the context is irrelevant. Sometimes it's annoying is all that I'm saying. Rants don't have to make total sense, right?

2 - Number two is more like a confession. It's about one of the people who I admire most musically and theatrically - Lady Gaga. I love her music -- completely love -- her songs have brought me to tears and I believe she has made incredible changes in our world. I admire completely the stance she has taken for LGBTQ rights, and -- I'm a fan, okay ? What are we called? Little Monsters? Yes. All of that. But -- sometimes, I see pictures, and I know that she dresses in these outfits so that no one has to feel strange or out of place or weird, so that everyone is welcome --- but sometimes I just think they're too strange. :( I know some pretty intense fans around whom I couldn't say this, but it's always on my mind when I see photos or videos of her.

(Whew. That felt good to say. Huh. What does it say about me that I hold something like that in? Something that has nothing to do with anyone that I know? I mean -- well, music is a very personal thing, and so are musicians for some folks, I guess. I suppose I'm protecting that.)

3 - I wish I wouldn't cry so easily at movies/books/music.

4 - I wish my parents weren't divorced.

5 - Sometimes, I wish we didn't have cats because I get irrationally angry when I find cat hair on my clothing, and then I look at them and know that they can't help it, and I feel bad for being angry with them.

6 - I don't know what I'm going to do when my dog dies. I think I won't think about it.

7 - I'm really nervous about going back to work at the café tomorrow. Odds are, I'm going to have forgotten something (it has been a year), and if nothing in the system there has really changed since I was there before, when that happens, I'm going to get hollered at. I don't like being yelled at. I don't think anyone does. I just hope I can hold that off, and remember that I am earning money again, which is a nice thing to keep in mind.

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This has been E's crazy rant night, thanks for reading. We hope to join you with more sense and sensibility tomorrow or this weekend!

"In Your Heart"

That is the title of my song in the play (One Bad Apple). My character, Raphe, gets promoted to the rank of archangel in the first scene, in the middle of the first song. Through the play, he/she (it's a gender neutral role) I'd like to think that he/she grows in his/her role as archangel, and in the second act, the song comes around.

I don't know if many of you know my history with singing. My father is a great singer and musician (saxophone, bass, piano). My mother is a great singer and musician (oboe, violin, piano, guitar). My sister is a phenomenal singer. I dabble at singing. I'm not downplaying my musical senses -- it's true that I have been very lucky and have inherited a fairly good ear and the ability to remember songs in their original keys (though I do not have perfect pitch), and I have the ear to know when I am off if I am while singing, but not always the ability to correct it. And this is bothersome enough when one is in chorus in elementary school or singing in the shower.

More than half of this song is a solo for me. Very often, before the scene starts, I wonder why I accepted the role. Then, I get on stage, and the chorus comes on behind me and ---

Let me just let you know the energy of it. My song is a plea to Adam and Eve who have been thrown out of the Garden, asking them to pray to God to forgive them, because I think it's their last chance. They don't know how to pray, they don't think that God loves them. So my song, the main riff from it is me almost shouting "Do you think that God's up there?" and the chorus hollering back "NO! - Heaven isn't in the air." Then I respond with "Let your heart decide what's real!" and they reply "Heaven is what you feel." -- "Salvation is within your heart." That's my battle cry.

Considering the crazy transitions and contortions and transformations that my spirituality and faith have gone through, it's astounding just how much of this song that I happen to sing as this character really rings true for me. The sentiment of it at the very least.

And to have a gospel-style chorus backing me up on stage? How often in my life am I going to get to have a moment like that???

So tonight, at rehearsal, I got into it enough to stop being scared about how it sounded or how I looked. The chorus sounded fantastic, I was floating on all of their energy and throwing out sparks of my own, and I had the kind of moment afterwards that my sister, an experienced actress, has explained to me before -- the kind of thing I've only experienced with dance before. That being: you step off the stage and can't even really remember what happened when you were on stage. You were that in the moment.

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I guess I decided to give you a little detail about the play tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight's rehearsal really made an impression on me.

Alright. Now, I do believe it is time for bed.

(Side note - I have the hiccups now for the fourth time today. I really, reheheeeally (channeling Dr. Cox here) don't want that to happen during a performance!)

Dance in the Dark

Hey.

So, probably the most exciting part of today was cooking lunch (or rather reheating dinner, because it was so yummy yesterday) and then going to rehearsal. The play certainly is coming along -- people are actually getting into character, if only for short periods of time, and the music (though it needs some work) is improving. I am, as ever, terrified about performing my song, but the prospect of having an audience -- one that will (hopefully) laugh, clap, smile -- that's just plain thrilling.

The home-to-home shuffle is coming up, so tomorrow will be taken up partially by packing, and also practicing parallel parking, and possibly some sort of exercise.

mannomann, I really do like having a schedule. Summertime vs. Emily, the continuing battle!

THIS JUST IN:

This is very important. I mean, seriously, NEWS WORTHY.

I'm surprised the M'ville Tribune wasn't all over this...seriously.

So, while running errands the other day, an unprecedented event occurred.

In the same grocery store, at the same time, in the very same aisle --- were two of M'ville's possibly four homosexuals. !!!!!!

I'm serious. Me and the guy scanning my groceries -- who woulda thunk it.

Onward and Upward

So, I felt a little better today. For the past three or so days, I've had a bit of a cold/flu, but today was a definite improvement. I spent most of the day doing stuff, not just thinking about doing it.

I caught myself making a list of things I should do as I was trying to take a nap -- I don't know why my mind always seizes that tender time before sleep takes me over to rattle on about what I haven't done, but it sure does. However, I also got to thinking of a list that I found in a notebook that I had written in while in Thailand. In this notebook, I had a list consisting of probably more than 100 things that I told myself I should do/wanted to do my senior year back in PA. This list included things like playing guitar at nursing homes, meditating every day, getting a job (or more than one), going horseback riding, organizing a community carpooling system for grocery shopping, exercising every day, etc.....

SO, I got to thinking that maybe my pre-napping stress isn't something that I always have to listen to. Or maybe, when my head stresses in general and tells me all the things I "should" do, maybe I "should" (haha) practice not listening.

I know there's at least one person in my life who has told me to shake off the shoulds. I ought to listen to her. Still, listening and actually being able to do that -- it's rough. Pretty difficult.

Also, a random sidenote, I read up a bit on astrology today (which I still hold as a pseudoscience, though an entertaining one) and had a hilarious time with my mother and sister, hearing our personality traits portrayed rather accurately by this distinctly British text. It was lots of fun. :) I'd like to think that with my late July (and induced) birth, I retained all the best characteristics of both Cancer and Leo.

What do y'all think?

HAAHAA.

I just realized some of the similarities in the post I just wrote and the one before that. Sorry for being repeat-o-gal, folks. I don't mean to talk about the brilliance of life every time I write!!!

I'll try to change it up next time. :D

Ist das so?

(The title of a song that I enjoy by the band 'Wir sind Helden')

Hey, everyone.

I wanted to apologize to my ersatz audience for not writing in so long. In the past two weeks, I've been busy learning my lines to be Raphael the archangel in a play that my sister is directing, managing relations with family, watching the World Cup (DEUTSCHLAND!!! --- 4:0! Did everyone SEE that game???), trying to keep/get back into shape, and having a truly fantastic time in Europe.

Now I'm back at home and getting ready for performances in said play and getting ready to go back to work at the ol' café (where I used to work during high school).

When I was in Germany spending time with my girlfriend, I also spent time with some of her friends -- well, people I would also consider friends of mine. True, she gets to spend more time with them than I do. However, I just wanted to mention how incredible it is that I feel so connected to and understood by these fantastic people who I have only ever seen for about a month out of my 19 years-minus-seventeen-days. That's pretty damn neat.

It's like these new college friends that I have. I mean, it happens to almost everyone -- going to college, you get these friends that are, by the end of a semester or two, almost as close to you as your closest friends were at home but you've known them for a fraction of the time. Why does it work like that? I have a theory -- I think it has to do with friends at home knowing you for so long and through so many things that they think they understand you completely, and maybe they understood the 10 year-old you, or the 15 year-old one -- but by the time you're 18, you feel so different. And yes, have a good laugh any adults that might be reading this -- we 18-year-olds, young as we are, certainly feel like we know a good damn deal about the world. Anyways, these college friends -- they have a fresh perspective. They see you only when you get there, only when you react to these crazy new circumstances, when you get to pick your own classes and friends and hobbies and food and schedule.

But -- well, my college friends are pretty damn fantastic, and so are the folks I know in Germersheim, Germany. I just -- tonight's one of those nights during which I am in a constant state of realization of just how lucky I am.

It's pretty cool.

Happy 4th of July, folks.