So, to my possibly non-existent readers (one follower as of now...thanks, friend! :D), I wanted to apologize for not writing very often this month. As some of you might now, my girlfriend has been visiting, and it makes very little sense for me to ramble about life here when I can just go live it with her, you know?
Soon, though, I'll be going back to school -- and she'll be gone -- and I'm sure there will be more writing then. I just wanted to keep you posted. : )
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
: (
So, I woke up sad. That's no fun, is it? I mean, especially because I can't pinpoint the reason.
Still, there's lots of things to be happy about. We just finished our second weekend of the show, and it has been going wonderfully. I've heard comments all around town about it, my sister (the director) is very pleased, and the cast feels like a family (complete with those brothers and sisters that drive you UP THE WALL). Also, an AMAZING this is happening tomorrow --- I think just what it is can go without saying.
But feeling bummed out in the morning is no fun. I've found a few things to blame it on. 1) My foot -- I dropped boiling water on my foot the other day, and it is still in pain -- not hugely, it's completely tolerable, but it hurts enough to hinder my wanting to exercise, which makes me feel like a blob. 2) Money. Need I say more? It's complicated and it sucks. 3) I don't know. :(
Okay, I need to go and work this out of my system. See you later, all.
Still, there's lots of things to be happy about. We just finished our second weekend of the show, and it has been going wonderfully. I've heard comments all around town about it, my sister (the director) is very pleased, and the cast feels like a family (complete with those brothers and sisters that drive you UP THE WALL). Also, an AMAZING this is happening tomorrow --- I think just what it is can go without saying.
But feeling bummed out in the morning is no fun. I've found a few things to blame it on. 1) My foot -- I dropped boiling water on my foot the other day, and it is still in pain -- not hugely, it's completely tolerable, but it hurts enough to hinder my wanting to exercise, which makes me feel like a blob. 2) Money. Need I say more? It's complicated and it sucks. 3) I don't know. :(
Okay, I need to go and work this out of my system. See you later, all.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I could really use a hug right now.
One Bad Apple opened last night. We had a wonderful audience who laughed and gave us so much energy, and the cast took that energy and ran with it, and it was an AMAZING opening night. Absolutely fantastic. I want to send my thanks out to everyone who made it possible for this to happen. (Sidenote -- when I was little, I used to imagine that when I was thinking of someone, a little beam of golden light was coming out of me and connecting me to the person that I was thinking of, and that if I thought of enough people at once ((used to be my way of praying, of giving thanks)), then I would just start to glow all over and be like a star...)
However, this morning, my sister and I noticed that our hamster, Fiona, wasn't looking so good. Fiona is actually the hamster of my sister and her roommate, and has been around for about a year, but she was staying with us over the summer. I don't want to drag out the story, but about two hours after we found her hunched over and breathing raggedly, she died. I -- can't bring myself to actually explain what happened, but she was in my hands, and I felt her shudder and her claws just began to clench all of a sudden and ----
I've never cried from fear before, but this was one of the scariest things that has happened to me in my life. Probably the scariest, watching something die in my hands.
We buried her. I'm still trembling and cannot believe it actually happened. I didn't know her very well at all -- I only saw her for a couple months this summer, but we certainly spent a lot of time together today. That was kind of huge. My thoughts are with my sister, who is really hurting about it. And my heart also goes to my other animals -- Abby, Tigger, Summer, and Cosmo --- they mean so much to me.
However, this morning, my sister and I noticed that our hamster, Fiona, wasn't looking so good. Fiona is actually the hamster of my sister and her roommate, and has been around for about a year, but she was staying with us over the summer. I don't want to drag out the story, but about two hours after we found her hunched over and breathing raggedly, she died. I -- can't bring myself to actually explain what happened, but she was in my hands, and I felt her shudder and her claws just began to clench all of a sudden and ----
I've never cried from fear before, but this was one of the scariest things that has happened to me in my life. Probably the scariest, watching something die in my hands.
We buried her. I'm still trembling and cannot believe it actually happened. I didn't know her very well at all -- I only saw her for a couple months this summer, but we certainly spent a lot of time together today. That was kind of huge. My thoughts are with my sister, who is really hurting about it. And my heart also goes to my other animals -- Abby, Tigger, Summer, and Cosmo --- they mean so much to me.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Only one night.
So, the play opens tomorrow. Tonight's dress rehearsal with preview audience went well enough -- they crowd was a quiet one, which no one was really expecting, but hopefully it will be livelier tomorrow. Everyone in the cast did a really good job, though.
And as for me, I also got my driver's license today. I was totally thrilled and was floating about it for a good hour after it happened.
Now, as it's getting near time to go to sleep, I'm feeling my mood begin to dip a little bit, and -- yeah. That's not so fun. I don't know if there's a real reason, but it is what it is. I think I will go to sleep so I can be rested for our wonderful show, and I hope everyone is enjoying their July.
Night night.
And as for me, I also got my driver's license today. I was totally thrilled and was floating about it for a good hour after it happened.
Now, as it's getting near time to go to sleep, I'm feeling my mood begin to dip a little bit, and -- yeah. That's not so fun. I don't know if there's a real reason, but it is what it is. I think I will go to sleep so I can be rested for our wonderful show, and I hope everyone is enjoying their July.
Night night.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
: )
Hey!
So, the last two nights (including this one), my shifts at work (a cafe) have ended around 11:15, hence the lack of writing, but I wanted to say that tonight, a lady not much older than I gave me a fifteen-dollar tip on a four-dollar drink because she read my tip jar and said she understood how hard it could be to pay for college.
It made me so happy and not just because of the money -- it made me promise myself that I would do something that nice for someone that I don't know at all someday.
So, maybe underneath it all, people are awesome. :)
So, the last two nights (including this one), my shifts at work (a cafe) have ended around 11:15, hence the lack of writing, but I wanted to say that tonight, a lady not much older than I gave me a fifteen-dollar tip on a four-dollar drink because she read my tip jar and said she understood how hard it could be to pay for college.
It made me so happy and not just because of the money -- it made me promise myself that I would do something that nice for someone that I don't know at all someday.
So, maybe underneath it all, people are awesome. :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
A night of little rants...
Hey.
So, I was just sitting here, wondering what happened to the brilliant and bright mood that I was in when I left a fantastic play rehearsal, when my phone vibrated and I received a rather disappointing text, and then I realized that there were a few small, snippy thoughts in me, and that maybe if I vented them here, I'd feel better.
Here goes. (For anyone who sees me tomorrow, don't worry! These aren't huge things! I'm just trying to appease the beast, you know? The crabby mood. Anything to make it go away!)
1 - The world of cell phones has brought about a whole new bundle of problems. For one, my generation has slipped into texting and picture taking and calling and everything, and I don't have a problem with it and I don't think anyone should (when the use is within reason, you know?), and yet, and yet, when some (no offense) older person calls anyone out on it, or insults texting or something in general, I feel called to defend our actions, the actions of today's youth. Maybe this is my problem, but still -- why do we all have to gripe about change? I'm sure I'll do it when I'm old and my grandchildren are going joyriding in a hovercar, but.. I don't know. I don't like the blame.
Another cell phone problem -- one word texts! This comment may be lost on our older readers (If I have any), but for those of you who are at least near my age -- this problem is the one that prompted this post. I was involved in a conversation with a friend and wanted a real reply and got simply "Yeah." as a response, and --- well, the context is irrelevant. Sometimes it's annoying is all that I'm saying. Rants don't have to make total sense, right?
2 - Number two is more like a confession. It's about one of the people who I admire most musically and theatrically - Lady Gaga. I love her music -- completely love -- her songs have brought me to tears and I believe she has made incredible changes in our world. I admire completely the stance she has taken for LGBTQ rights, and -- I'm a fan, okay ? What are we called? Little Monsters? Yes. All of that. But -- sometimes, I see pictures, and I know that she dresses in these outfits so that no one has to feel strange or out of place or weird, so that everyone is welcome --- but sometimes I just think they're too strange. :( I know some pretty intense fans around whom I couldn't say this, but it's always on my mind when I see photos or videos of her.
(Whew. That felt good to say. Huh. What does it say about me that I hold something like that in? Something that has nothing to do with anyone that I know? I mean -- well, music is a very personal thing, and so are musicians for some folks, I guess. I suppose I'm protecting that.)
3 - I wish I wouldn't cry so easily at movies/books/music.
4 - I wish my parents weren't divorced.
5 - Sometimes, I wish we didn't have cats because I get irrationally angry when I find cat hair on my clothing, and then I look at them and know that they can't help it, and I feel bad for being angry with them.
6 - I don't know what I'm going to do when my dog dies. I think I won't think about it.
7 - I'm really nervous about going back to work at the café tomorrow. Odds are, I'm going to have forgotten something (it has been a year), and if nothing in the system there has really changed since I was there before, when that happens, I'm going to get hollered at. I don't like being yelled at. I don't think anyone does. I just hope I can hold that off, and remember that I am earning money again, which is a nice thing to keep in mind.
----
This has been E's crazy rant night, thanks for reading. We hope to join you with more sense and sensibility tomorrow or this weekend!
So, I was just sitting here, wondering what happened to the brilliant and bright mood that I was in when I left a fantastic play rehearsal, when my phone vibrated and I received a rather disappointing text, and then I realized that there were a few small, snippy thoughts in me, and that maybe if I vented them here, I'd feel better.
Here goes. (For anyone who sees me tomorrow, don't worry! These aren't huge things! I'm just trying to appease the beast, you know? The crabby mood. Anything to make it go away!)
1 - The world of cell phones has brought about a whole new bundle of problems. For one, my generation has slipped into texting and picture taking and calling and everything, and I don't have a problem with it and I don't think anyone should (when the use is within reason, you know?), and yet, and yet, when some (no offense) older person calls anyone out on it, or insults texting or something in general, I feel called to defend our actions, the actions of today's youth. Maybe this is my problem, but still -- why do we all have to gripe about change? I'm sure I'll do it when I'm old and my grandchildren are going joyriding in a hovercar, but.. I don't know. I don't like the blame.
Another cell phone problem -- one word texts! This comment may be lost on our older readers (If I have any), but for those of you who are at least near my age -- this problem is the one that prompted this post. I was involved in a conversation with a friend and wanted a real reply and got simply "Yeah." as a response, and --- well, the context is irrelevant. Sometimes it's annoying is all that I'm saying. Rants don't have to make total sense, right?
2 - Number two is more like a confession. It's about one of the people who I admire most musically and theatrically - Lady Gaga. I love her music -- completely love -- her songs have brought me to tears and I believe she has made incredible changes in our world. I admire completely the stance she has taken for LGBTQ rights, and -- I'm a fan, okay ? What are we called? Little Monsters? Yes. All of that. But -- sometimes, I see pictures, and I know that she dresses in these outfits so that no one has to feel strange or out of place or weird, so that everyone is welcome --- but sometimes I just think they're too strange. :( I know some pretty intense fans around whom I couldn't say this, but it's always on my mind when I see photos or videos of her.
(Whew. That felt good to say. Huh. What does it say about me that I hold something like that in? Something that has nothing to do with anyone that I know? I mean -- well, music is a very personal thing, and so are musicians for some folks, I guess. I suppose I'm protecting that.)
3 - I wish I wouldn't cry so easily at movies/books/music.
4 - I wish my parents weren't divorced.
5 - Sometimes, I wish we didn't have cats because I get irrationally angry when I find cat hair on my clothing, and then I look at them and know that they can't help it, and I feel bad for being angry with them.
6 - I don't know what I'm going to do when my dog dies. I think I won't think about it.
7 - I'm really nervous about going back to work at the café tomorrow. Odds are, I'm going to have forgotten something (it has been a year), and if nothing in the system there has really changed since I was there before, when that happens, I'm going to get hollered at. I don't like being yelled at. I don't think anyone does. I just hope I can hold that off, and remember that I am earning money again, which is a nice thing to keep in mind.
----
This has been E's crazy rant night, thanks for reading. We hope to join you with more sense and sensibility tomorrow or this weekend!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
"In Your Heart"
That is the title of my song in the play (One Bad Apple). My character, Raphe, gets promoted to the rank of archangel in the first scene, in the middle of the first song. Through the play, he/she (it's a gender neutral role) I'd like to think that he/she grows in his/her role as archangel, and in the second act, the song comes around.
I don't know if many of you know my history with singing. My father is a great singer and musician (saxophone, bass, piano). My mother is a great singer and musician (oboe, violin, piano, guitar). My sister is a phenomenal singer. I dabble at singing. I'm not downplaying my musical senses -- it's true that I have been very lucky and have inherited a fairly good ear and the ability to remember songs in their original keys (though I do not have perfect pitch), and I have the ear to know when I am off if I am while singing, but not always the ability to correct it. And this is bothersome enough when one is in chorus in elementary school or singing in the shower.
More than half of this song is a solo for me. Very often, before the scene starts, I wonder why I accepted the role. Then, I get on stage, and the chorus comes on behind me and ---
Let me just let you know the energy of it. My song is a plea to Adam and Eve who have been thrown out of the Garden, asking them to pray to God to forgive them, because I think it's their last chance. They don't know how to pray, they don't think that God loves them. So my song, the main riff from it is me almost shouting "Do you think that God's up there?" and the chorus hollering back "NO! - Heaven isn't in the air." Then I respond with "Let your heart decide what's real!" and they reply "Heaven is what you feel." -- "Salvation is within your heart." That's my battle cry.
Considering the crazy transitions and contortions and transformations that my spirituality and faith have gone through, it's astounding just how much of this song that I happen to sing as this character really rings true for me. The sentiment of it at the very least.
And to have a gospel-style chorus backing me up on stage? How often in my life am I going to get to have a moment like that???
So tonight, at rehearsal, I got into it enough to stop being scared about how it sounded or how I looked. The chorus sounded fantastic, I was floating on all of their energy and throwing out sparks of my own, and I had the kind of moment afterwards that my sister, an experienced actress, has explained to me before -- the kind of thing I've only experienced with dance before. That being: you step off the stage and can't even really remember what happened when you were on stage. You were that in the moment.
-----
I guess I decided to give you a little detail about the play tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight's rehearsal really made an impression on me.
Alright. Now, I do believe it is time for bed.
(Side note - I have the hiccups now for the fourth time today. I really, reheheeeally (channeling Dr. Cox here) don't want that to happen during a performance!)
I don't know if many of you know my history with singing. My father is a great singer and musician (saxophone, bass, piano). My mother is a great singer and musician (oboe, violin, piano, guitar). My sister is a phenomenal singer. I dabble at singing. I'm not downplaying my musical senses -- it's true that I have been very lucky and have inherited a fairly good ear and the ability to remember songs in their original keys (though I do not have perfect pitch), and I have the ear to know when I am off if I am while singing, but not always the ability to correct it. And this is bothersome enough when one is in chorus in elementary school or singing in the shower.
More than half of this song is a solo for me. Very often, before the scene starts, I wonder why I accepted the role. Then, I get on stage, and the chorus comes on behind me and ---
Let me just let you know the energy of it. My song is a plea to Adam and Eve who have been thrown out of the Garden, asking them to pray to God to forgive them, because I think it's their last chance. They don't know how to pray, they don't think that God loves them. So my song, the main riff from it is me almost shouting "Do you think that God's up there?" and the chorus hollering back "NO! - Heaven isn't in the air." Then I respond with "Let your heart decide what's real!" and they reply "Heaven is what you feel." -- "Salvation is within your heart." That's my battle cry.
Considering the crazy transitions and contortions and transformations that my spirituality and faith have gone through, it's astounding just how much of this song that I happen to sing as this character really rings true for me. The sentiment of it at the very least.
And to have a gospel-style chorus backing me up on stage? How often in my life am I going to get to have a moment like that???
So tonight, at rehearsal, I got into it enough to stop being scared about how it sounded or how I looked. The chorus sounded fantastic, I was floating on all of their energy and throwing out sparks of my own, and I had the kind of moment afterwards that my sister, an experienced actress, has explained to me before -- the kind of thing I've only experienced with dance before. That being: you step off the stage and can't even really remember what happened when you were on stage. You were that in the moment.
-----
I guess I decided to give you a little detail about the play tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight's rehearsal really made an impression on me.
Alright. Now, I do believe it is time for bed.
(Side note - I have the hiccups now for the fourth time today. I really, reheheeeally (channeling Dr. Cox here) don't want that to happen during a performance!)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Dance in the Dark
Hey.
So, probably the most exciting part of today was cooking lunch (or rather reheating dinner, because it was so yummy yesterday) and then going to rehearsal. The play certainly is coming along -- people are actually getting into character, if only for short periods of time, and the music (though it needs some work) is improving. I am, as ever, terrified about performing my song, but the prospect of having an audience -- one that will (hopefully) laugh, clap, smile -- that's just plain thrilling.
The home-to-home shuffle is coming up, so tomorrow will be taken up partially by packing, and also practicing parallel parking, and possibly some sort of exercise.
mannomann, I really do like having a schedule. Summertime vs. Emily, the continuing battle!
So, probably the most exciting part of today was cooking lunch (or rather reheating dinner, because it was so yummy yesterday) and then going to rehearsal. The play certainly is coming along -- people are actually getting into character, if only for short periods of time, and the music (though it needs some work) is improving. I am, as ever, terrified about performing my song, but the prospect of having an audience -- one that will (hopefully) laugh, clap, smile -- that's just plain thrilling.
The home-to-home shuffle is coming up, so tomorrow will be taken up partially by packing, and also practicing parallel parking, and possibly some sort of exercise.
mannomann, I really do like having a schedule. Summertime vs. Emily, the continuing battle!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
THIS JUST IN:
This is very important. I mean, seriously, NEWS WORTHY.
I'm surprised the M'ville Tribune wasn't all over this...seriously.
So, while running errands the other day, an unprecedented event occurred.
In the same grocery store, at the same time, in the very same aisle --- were two of M'ville's possibly four homosexuals. !!!!!!
I'm serious. Me and the guy scanning my groceries -- who woulda thunk it.
I'm surprised the M'ville Tribune wasn't all over this...seriously.
So, while running errands the other day, an unprecedented event occurred.
In the same grocery store, at the same time, in the very same aisle --- were two of M'ville's possibly four homosexuals. !!!!!!
I'm serious. Me and the guy scanning my groceries -- who woulda thunk it.
Onward and Upward
So, I felt a little better today. For the past three or so days, I've had a bit of a cold/flu, but today was a definite improvement. I spent most of the day doing stuff, not just thinking about doing it.
I caught myself making a list of things I should do as I was trying to take a nap -- I don't know why my mind always seizes that tender time before sleep takes me over to rattle on about what I haven't done, but it sure does. However, I also got to thinking of a list that I found in a notebook that I had written in while in Thailand. In this notebook, I had a list consisting of probably more than 100 things that I told myself I should do/wanted to do my senior year back in PA. This list included things like playing guitar at nursing homes, meditating every day, getting a job (or more than one), going horseback riding, organizing a community carpooling system for grocery shopping, exercising every day, etc.....
SO, I got to thinking that maybe my pre-napping stress isn't something that I always have to listen to. Or maybe, when my head stresses in general and tells me all the things I "should" do, maybe I "should" (haha) practice not listening.
I know there's at least one person in my life who has told me to shake off the shoulds. I ought to listen to her. Still, listening and actually being able to do that -- it's rough. Pretty difficult.
Also, a random sidenote, I read up a bit on astrology today (which I still hold as a pseudoscience, though an entertaining one) and had a hilarious time with my mother and sister, hearing our personality traits portrayed rather accurately by this distinctly British text. It was lots of fun. :) I'd like to think that with my late July (and induced) birth, I retained all the best characteristics of both Cancer and Leo.
What do y'all think?
I caught myself making a list of things I should do as I was trying to take a nap -- I don't know why my mind always seizes that tender time before sleep takes me over to rattle on about what I haven't done, but it sure does. However, I also got to thinking of a list that I found in a notebook that I had written in while in Thailand. In this notebook, I had a list consisting of probably more than 100 things that I told myself I should do/wanted to do my senior year back in PA. This list included things like playing guitar at nursing homes, meditating every day, getting a job (or more than one), going horseback riding, organizing a community carpooling system for grocery shopping, exercising every day, etc.....
SO, I got to thinking that maybe my pre-napping stress isn't something that I always have to listen to. Or maybe, when my head stresses in general and tells me all the things I "should" do, maybe I "should" (haha) practice not listening.
I know there's at least one person in my life who has told me to shake off the shoulds. I ought to listen to her. Still, listening and actually being able to do that -- it's rough. Pretty difficult.
Also, a random sidenote, I read up a bit on astrology today (which I still hold as a pseudoscience, though an entertaining one) and had a hilarious time with my mother and sister, hearing our personality traits portrayed rather accurately by this distinctly British text. It was lots of fun. :) I'd like to think that with my late July (and induced) birth, I retained all the best characteristics of both Cancer and Leo.
What do y'all think?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
HAAHAA.
I just realized some of the similarities in the post I just wrote and the one before that. Sorry for being repeat-o-gal, folks. I don't mean to talk about the brilliance of life every time I write!!!
I'll try to change it up next time. :D
I'll try to change it up next time. :D
Ist das so?
(The title of a song that I enjoy by the band 'Wir sind Helden')
Hey, everyone.
I wanted to apologize to my ersatz audience for not writing in so long. In the past two weeks, I've been busy learning my lines to be Raphael the archangel in a play that my sister is directing, managing relations with family, watching the World Cup (DEUTSCHLAND!!! --- 4:0! Did everyone SEE that game???), trying to keep/get back into shape, and having a truly fantastic time in Europe.
Now I'm back at home and getting ready for performances in said play and getting ready to go back to work at the ol' café (where I used to work during high school).
When I was in Germany spending time with my girlfriend, I also spent time with some of her friends -- well, people I would also consider friends of mine. True, she gets to spend more time with them than I do. However, I just wanted to mention how incredible it is that I feel so connected to and understood by these fantastic people who I have only ever seen for about a month out of my 19 years-minus-seventeen-days. That's pretty damn neat.
It's like these new college friends that I have. I mean, it happens to almost everyone -- going to college, you get these friends that are, by the end of a semester or two, almost as close to you as your closest friends were at home but you've known them for a fraction of the time. Why does it work like that? I have a theory -- I think it has to do with friends at home knowing you for so long and through so many things that they think they understand you completely, and maybe they understood the 10 year-old you, or the 15 year-old one -- but by the time you're 18, you feel so different. And yes, have a good laugh any adults that might be reading this -- we 18-year-olds, young as we are, certainly feel like we know a good damn deal about the world. Anyways, these college friends -- they have a fresh perspective. They see you only when you get there, only when you react to these crazy new circumstances, when you get to pick your own classes and friends and hobbies and food and schedule.
But -- well, my college friends are pretty damn fantastic, and so are the folks I know in Germersheim, Germany. I just -- tonight's one of those nights during which I am in a constant state of realization of just how lucky I am.
It's pretty cool.
Happy 4th of July, folks.
Hey, everyone.
I wanted to apologize to my ersatz audience for not writing in so long. In the past two weeks, I've been busy learning my lines to be Raphael the archangel in a play that my sister is directing, managing relations with family, watching the World Cup (DEUTSCHLAND!!! --- 4:0! Did everyone SEE that game???), trying to keep/get back into shape, and having a truly fantastic time in Europe.
Now I'm back at home and getting ready for performances in said play and getting ready to go back to work at the ol' café (where I used to work during high school).
When I was in Germany spending time with my girlfriend, I also spent time with some of her friends -- well, people I would also consider friends of mine. True, she gets to spend more time with them than I do. However, I just wanted to mention how incredible it is that I feel so connected to and understood by these fantastic people who I have only ever seen for about a month out of my 19 years-minus-seventeen-days. That's pretty damn neat.
It's like these new college friends that I have. I mean, it happens to almost everyone -- going to college, you get these friends that are, by the end of a semester or two, almost as close to you as your closest friends were at home but you've known them for a fraction of the time. Why does it work like that? I have a theory -- I think it has to do with friends at home knowing you for so long and through so many things that they think they understand you completely, and maybe they understood the 10 year-old you, or the 15 year-old one -- but by the time you're 18, you feel so different. And yes, have a good laugh any adults that might be reading this -- we 18-year-olds, young as we are, certainly feel like we know a good damn deal about the world. Anyways, these college friends -- they have a fresh perspective. They see you only when you get there, only when you react to these crazy new circumstances, when you get to pick your own classes and friends and hobbies and food and schedule.
But -- well, my college friends are pretty damn fantastic, and so are the folks I know in Germersheim, Germany. I just -- tonight's one of those nights during which I am in a constant state of realization of just how lucky I am.
It's pretty cool.
Happy 4th of July, folks.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
"I'm shiny and I know it."
Hey.
To begin, I want to apologize for not writing here in a while -- I understand that it's not like I have a contract that says I have to write every X number of days, but still -- I missed this.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in the throes of being home again -- dealing with a divided family, friends who would rather be with their college friends, lots of time in close proximity with folks that I haven't seen in months, changes in people's lives, and not feeling quite like I belong in this small town but feeling guilty for wanting to be elsewhere. It's complicated.
However, today, I reconnected with a friend who is so very dear to me, and she really brightened my week. The rest of this week is looking good, too. I've been going to rehearsals for my sister's play (Y'all can call me Raphael, mmkay? ARCHANGEL. That's right.) and tomorrow I get to attend the high school graduation, have tea with that dear friend of mine, and on Friday, even more things are planned.
And on Saturday, I'll be gliding over the Atlantic, going to see my girl once more.
--
I'm so lucky to live this life, even with all its craziness. Sometimes, for a split second, I understand that everyone that I know has a life that is just as complicated and confusing and beautiful and difficult and fascinating as mine -- I comprehend it for one moment -- and it blows my mind.
It's a damn cool world we live in.
To begin, I want to apologize for not writing here in a while -- I understand that it's not like I have a contract that says I have to write every X number of days, but still -- I missed this.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in the throes of being home again -- dealing with a divided family, friends who would rather be with their college friends, lots of time in close proximity with folks that I haven't seen in months, changes in people's lives, and not feeling quite like I belong in this small town but feeling guilty for wanting to be elsewhere. It's complicated.
However, today, I reconnected with a friend who is so very dear to me, and she really brightened my week. The rest of this week is looking good, too. I've been going to rehearsals for my sister's play (Y'all can call me Raphael, mmkay? ARCHANGEL. That's right.) and tomorrow I get to attend the high school graduation, have tea with that dear friend of mine, and on Friday, even more things are planned.
And on Saturday, I'll be gliding over the Atlantic, going to see my girl once more.
--
I'm so lucky to live this life, even with all its craziness. Sometimes, for a split second, I understand that everyone that I know has a life that is just as complicated and confusing and beautiful and difficult and fascinating as mine -- I comprehend it for one moment -- and it blows my mind.
It's a damn cool world we live in.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Outcry
I was at the supermarket this evening with my mother, and upon walking into the check-out line, I was bombarded with unflattering pictures of actresses and actors that probably have enough on their minds without nasty paparazzi photos -- AND I was also hit from all sides by "Ways to lose weight!" "Melt that fat!" "Get your bikini body!" "Find out about the calories you could be cutting!" "Trim that belly!"
-----it made me furious. To think -- to honestly think about what that kind of advertising, those kinds of put-downs are doing to so many young girls in our country, in our world -- and probably boys, too (though for them, the pressure is to have a big penis and to have muscles, not just to be as thin as a twig). -- it makes me so mad. It's also frustrating because it's not really something that I can change about our culture as a whole. Sure, I can try to undo all the brainwashing in my mind that has accumulated over the years that tells me that thin is always better than fat, that being normal sized is basically being fat, that--that somehow this punishing society of ours is right.
I do need to try and fight that, but I wish I could fight it on a larger scale.
-----it made me furious. To think -- to honestly think about what that kind of advertising, those kinds of put-downs are doing to so many young girls in our country, in our world -- and probably boys, too (though for them, the pressure is to have a big penis and to have muscles, not just to be as thin as a twig). -- it makes me so mad. It's also frustrating because it's not really something that I can change about our culture as a whole. Sure, I can try to undo all the brainwashing in my mind that has accumulated over the years that tells me that thin is always better than fat, that being normal sized is basically being fat, that--that somehow this punishing society of ours is right.
I do need to try and fight that, but I wish I could fight it on a larger scale.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A darn good evening.
: )
So, tonight -- after the weird house-shuffle that must take place these days due to the separation of my folks, I played a multi-lingual game of cribbage with my mother. We tried it in English, French, and German, and had a grand old time. It put me into an einfach fantastic mood, and inspired me to create a makeshift table for my laptop in my room (fashioned out of an old locker-shelf ((one of the foldy, metal ones)) and an old pillowcase) and got me thinking about more things I can do over the next few days.
Also, for those of you interested in the countdown, June 2 is almost ending. I get to see my girl again on the 12th.
It's just wondrous. : )
So, tonight -- after the weird house-shuffle that must take place these days due to the separation of my folks, I played a multi-lingual game of cribbage with my mother. We tried it in English, French, and German, and had a grand old time. It put me into an einfach fantastic mood, and inspired me to create a makeshift table for my laptop in my room (fashioned out of an old locker-shelf ((one of the foldy, metal ones)) and an old pillowcase) and got me thinking about more things I can do over the next few days.
Also, for those of you interested in the countdown, June 2 is almost ending. I get to see my girl again on the 12th.
It's just wondrous. : )
Monday, May 31, 2010
Applying: SWF seeks LIFE
I don't do well with free time.
Summer truly isn't my season.
So far, this summer, I have worked for my father (cleaned a refrigerator, mowed the lawn, done general cleaning) and earned a bit of money, gone to a baseball game, read, and --- the reply from most members of my generation - I have gone on the computer, as I am doing now.
Today, I realized that some of my sort-of-sneaky bad mood that has been hovering for the past week was due to my frustration at not really having a life back here in this town. I miss going to classes, having places that I need to be, things I need to do. True, I'd don't think I'd be too excited to receive any homework at this point in time -- that's not quite what I mean. Many of the people that I would like to see are not in town. True, I have become reacquainted with the part of me that likes to read for fun, and that's been nice.
Anyways, starting tomorrow, I will actively seek out things to do. Today, I recognized my frustration early on, and in reaction to that -- I went on a run, took a shower, ate breakfast, mowed the lawn, went swimming, then went to a memorial day party, and NOW, I feel like I've done something with my day. Let's hope the trend continues.
Summer truly isn't my season.
So far, this summer, I have worked for my father (cleaned a refrigerator, mowed the lawn, done general cleaning) and earned a bit of money, gone to a baseball game, read, and --- the reply from most members of my generation - I have gone on the computer, as I am doing now.
Today, I realized that some of my sort-of-sneaky bad mood that has been hovering for the past week was due to my frustration at not really having a life back here in this town. I miss going to classes, having places that I need to be, things I need to do. True, I'd don't think I'd be too excited to receive any homework at this point in time -- that's not quite what I mean. Many of the people that I would like to see are not in town. True, I have become reacquainted with the part of me that likes to read for fun, and that's been nice.
Anyways, starting tomorrow, I will actively seek out things to do. Today, I recognized my frustration early on, and in reaction to that -- I went on a run, took a shower, ate breakfast, mowed the lawn, went swimming, then went to a memorial day party, and NOW, I feel like I've done something with my day. Let's hope the trend continues.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
After further consideration....
So, I think I mentioned that I wrote an actual post down while I was in no-internet land, but upon rereading it, I found it pretentious and dull and have therefore decided not to post it here. The basic gist was: Sometimes the shortness of my attention span when it comes to projects bothers me, I'm a snob about coffee and tea, and my daydreams sometimes come out like Hollywood-movie montages. That's all!
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
As some of you may recognize, the title of this post comes from Harry Potter (and the Sorcerer's Stone). I watched most of the first movie with my family tonight, and oh-DEAR did it bring back memories.
I have such vivid memories of sitting at my father's feet in my grandmother's apartment as he read us the end of the first book (he read the first three, I believe, out loud to my sister and I) -- the chapter that ends with "It wasn't Snape. It wasn't even Voldemort." -- and then the next one that starts with: It was Quirrell.
I was so completely taken aback! And I remember being excited out of my wits when they won the Quidditch cup in the third book, falling in love with the idea of the game as well as the idea of all the amazing creatures that were there -- and watching, in a way, as the books became so incredibly powerful in our world. That's something that fascinates me, really. The right ideas, the right delivery, and the right timing for it to come to the public -- all of those had to be in place for these books to take off with such a bang.
And then, watching the movie -- I remember so well seeing it for the first time, and being so overwhelmed by how wonderful I thought the music was. I still think it's wonderful.
It's just crazy to go back and see how much those books had an impact on me when I was younger. I'm happy they came out when they did.
--
Books are pretty darn amazing.
I have such vivid memories of sitting at my father's feet in my grandmother's apartment as he read us the end of the first book (he read the first three, I believe, out loud to my sister and I) -- the chapter that ends with "It wasn't Snape. It wasn't even Voldemort." -- and then the next one that starts with: It was Quirrell.
I was so completely taken aback! And I remember being excited out of my wits when they won the Quidditch cup in the third book, falling in love with the idea of the game as well as the idea of all the amazing creatures that were there -- and watching, in a way, as the books became so incredibly powerful in our world. That's something that fascinates me, really. The right ideas, the right delivery, and the right timing for it to come to the public -- all of those had to be in place for these books to take off with such a bang.
And then, watching the movie -- I remember so well seeing it for the first time, and being so overwhelmed by how wonderful I thought the music was. I still think it's wonderful.
It's just crazy to go back and see how much those books had an impact on me when I was younger. I'm happy they came out when they did.
--
Books are pretty darn amazing.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Hey ho, back in the 'Ville
So, I'm now back from a weekend-and-then-some jaunt to D.C. and other side of PA to visit various relatives. The trip was fun and informative (see a previous post!), and also quite tiring. I wrote -- yes, actually wrote down a post yesterday (in the land of no internet and no cell phone service) that I would like to write up soon, but not tonight. So, that's to come, and I just wanted to let everyone know.
Also -- I've discovered (or, well -- let's call this a hypothesis: based on evidence I've gathered yet not quite proven) that a person acting childish, or at all young, is highly dependent on how people treat the person in question. For example, I am very likely to act very young (or younger, anyway) if my parents are treating me as someone younger (not necessarily in a condescending way), but I am more likely to act older if that is the way I am treated. However, this does not go for all situations, one exception being when a person is having that Hollywood-famous conversation of "You always treat me like I'm a kid!!!" -- which, as the films tell us, is an extensive and frustrating conversation that will get you nowhere.
With that, I'm off to bed -- or, off to my novel. : ) Thank you, GB! The contents of your bookshelves astonish and awe me!
Also -- I've discovered (or, well -- let's call this a hypothesis: based on evidence I've gathered yet not quite proven) that a person acting childish, or at all young, is highly dependent on how people treat the person in question. For example, I am very likely to act very young (or younger, anyway) if my parents are treating me as someone younger (not necessarily in a condescending way), but I am more likely to act older if that is the way I am treated. However, this does not go for all situations, one exception being when a person is having that Hollywood-famous conversation of "You always treat me like I'm a kid!!!" -- which, as the films tell us, is an extensive and frustrating conversation that will get you nowhere.
With that, I'm off to bed -- or, off to my novel. : ) Thank you, GB! The contents of your bookshelves astonish and awe me!
My (one) Grandma's Wisdom
I was going to tell you the context, but I think it’s funnier if I don’t.
--“We’re going to have to PAY someone in a suit of armor to get rid of it.”
--“Well, I wasn’t here to tell it where to go, you see – and you cannot let grape vine decide for itself.”
--“Well, rosebushes are man-eating beasts, and I’ve worked with them for 50 years, so I can say that.” ☺
--“We’re going to have to PAY someone in a suit of armor to get rid of it.”
--“Well, I wasn’t here to tell it where to go, you see – and you cannot let grape vine decide for itself.”
--“Well, rosebushes are man-eating beasts, and I’ve worked with them for 50 years, so I can say that.” ☺
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Remarks:
1) Washington, D.C. is very much like another country -- or certainly a very distinct culture.
2) Pool is a good game to play when you want to discuss things (and feel English, if you please).
3)Learning to "let go" may be something that is hard to take seriously, but it is even harder to actually do.
4) It turns out, control (over what's going on in our lives, over what people think of us, over what's going to happen) is one of our favorite, favorite illusions, and we do not like it when the fact that it is an illusion is made clear to us.
5) Going a day without email, cell phone, or Internet use may be a healthy thing to do, but if you don't do it, it's no judgment of your self-worth.
6) Money makes people act strangely.
7) Even though it is often used as such, guilt is not a very good motivator.
8) The number 8 is my favorite number.
9) No matter how good or bad or righteous it might feel, comparing yourself to other people is not the way to assess yourself.
-----
With any luck, I'll understand half of one of these by the time I'm sixty. I'll let you know how it goes.
2) Pool is a good game to play when you want to discuss things (and feel English, if you please).
3)Learning to "let go" may be something that is hard to take seriously, but it is even harder to actually do.
4) It turns out, control (over what's going on in our lives, over what people think of us, over what's going to happen) is one of our favorite, favorite illusions, and we do not like it when the fact that it is an illusion is made clear to us.
5) Going a day without email, cell phone, or Internet use may be a healthy thing to do, but if you don't do it, it's no judgment of your self-worth.
6) Money makes people act strangely.
7) Even though it is often used as such, guilt is not a very good motivator.
8) The number 8 is my favorite number.
9) No matter how good or bad or righteous it might feel, comparing yourself to other people is not the way to assess yourself.
-----
With any luck, I'll understand half of one of these by the time I'm sixty. I'll let you know how it goes.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Isn't it weird?
Isn't it weird how there are some places in which we are totally comfortable being a certain way, but in other places, totally not?
Let me explain. I often do that -- give a weird, obscure statement that is a generalization of a specific case in my head, but then I have to make the specific case anyway...
SO! For instance, I am completely comfortable being alone in my dorm room at Mills (which I realized today I will never be in again. Probably. Certainly will never sleep in that bed again. It just -- won't be my room. Ever. Again.) (this is slightly sad) -- I'm totally comfortable being alone on a plane, I'm fine with being alone while walking the dog around the neighborhood. But right now, I'm alone in my house -- and it's weird!!! Why? Dunno! I've been alone here before..maybe it's because I thought people were going to be home earlier. Oh, well. And -- other places it would be weird to be alone in: my high school, at the gym, or in a pool.
Weird examples. Sorry. :D I'm trying to think of another example (I mean, another emotion or something) to illustrate this point more, see if my conjecture holds true...that'll be pretty easy. It just has to be weird to prove the conjecture true. And, well -- it's not that hard for life to be weird!
-----
Oddly enough, I can't think of another example. Prolly 'cause I got distracted by tumblr. Oh, that website is a tricksy one!!!
I hope everyone's having a fantastic summer so far -- whether you're about to go visit family, start a new job, embark on a new book to read, or explore the land of relaxation just a bit further. :D
Let me explain. I often do that -- give a weird, obscure statement that is a generalization of a specific case in my head, but then I have to make the specific case anyway...
SO! For instance, I am completely comfortable being alone in my dorm room at Mills (which I realized today I will never be in again. Probably. Certainly will never sleep in that bed again. It just -- won't be my room. Ever. Again.) (this is slightly sad) -- I'm totally comfortable being alone on a plane, I'm fine with being alone while walking the dog around the neighborhood. But right now, I'm alone in my house -- and it's weird!!! Why? Dunno! I've been alone here before..maybe it's because I thought people were going to be home earlier. Oh, well. And -- other places it would be weird to be alone in: my high school, at the gym, or in a pool.
Weird examples. Sorry. :D I'm trying to think of another example (I mean, another emotion or something) to illustrate this point more, see if my conjecture holds true...that'll be pretty easy. It just has to be weird to prove the conjecture true. And, well -- it's not that hard for life to be weird!
-----
Oddly enough, I can't think of another example. Prolly 'cause I got distracted by tumblr. Oh, that website is a tricksy one!!!
I hope everyone's having a fantastic summer so far -- whether you're about to go visit family, start a new job, embark on a new book to read, or explore the land of relaxation just a bit further. :D
Thursday, May 20, 2010
OH! Forgot one!
Ohohohohoh--- I had another idea. I forgot. :)
My other idea was to write out a list of things I'd like, like a wishlist -- sort of as enticement for me to get out and do stuff, on the philosophy that if I actually KNOW my goals, I'd be more likely to go and...y'know...achieve them.
This was rejected because I was worried it would come across as materialistic or greedy, but I think it brings up an interesting point.
Why is it that it's harder to come up with ideas for things you want, gift ideas when you get older?
When I was younger, coming up with a birthday or Christmas wishlist was so fun! But now....it's hard!
I mean, sure, there's things I want -- but they're far away. Such as...to graduate. To go to grad school (I think). To have a nice car. To have an apartment/house. To figure out where the hell I'm going to end up living (country-wise). To have my parents heal the shit between them, at least so they can not be as tense when the other comes up in conversation, to have an internship at Pixar -- but even the material things on this list aren't things that could be realized very soon. Well, maybe the car if I win the lottery. :D (MINI!!!!!)
What about material things?
This is not a list that I'm making because I want people to get them for me. I want to know what I want, if that makes any sense at all.
(also, thank you, Lily Allen, for boosting my mood. It's really much appreciated.)
Sooooooo...
-PURPLE HIGH TOP CONVERSE. Yes, that deserves to be in all-caps. Totally.
-CDs...but which ones? Just ideas: Sheryl Crow, Metric, Muse, The XX, The Up Soundtrack, uh....Beyoncé, Sam Tsui, The Blanks, Arctic Monkeys, more Lily Allen, Kate Nash, more KT Tunstall, the Proclaimers.....Oh, definitely ideas there!!!
-A pair of jeans that actually FIT ME!!!! Gosh, wouldn't that be swell. I want jeans that make me look sexy!! (Who doesn't?)
-A pair of heels. Possibly boots. Not sure yet. But...something classy. :D
-Tickets to a concert.....: Lady Gaga, The Killers, Lily Allen, -- maybe a musical. Or Eddie Izzard!
-Cups of tea with my friends. :) Maybe they could make me coupons -- something like : This is good for one proper cup of tea with me at the earliest convenience! (the me referring to the friend -- that'd be nice.)
Hmm...I think that's the main ones. I mean, that took a while -- they didn't just jump into my mind. I had to really search for them.
Still, it's nice to say them. Wanting things is something simple, you know? It's a cope-with-able emotion. What's the word for that? Cope-with-able...manageable! That's what I was looking for. :)
Thanks for reading, all of you. :) It's nice to have you out there.
My other idea was to write out a list of things I'd like, like a wishlist -- sort of as enticement for me to get out and do stuff, on the philosophy that if I actually KNOW my goals, I'd be more likely to go and...y'know...achieve them.
This was rejected because I was worried it would come across as materialistic or greedy, but I think it brings up an interesting point.
Why is it that it's harder to come up with ideas for things you want, gift ideas when you get older?
When I was younger, coming up with a birthday or Christmas wishlist was so fun! But now....it's hard!
I mean, sure, there's things I want -- but they're far away. Such as...to graduate. To go to grad school (I think). To have a nice car. To have an apartment/house. To figure out where the hell I'm going to end up living (country-wise). To have my parents heal the shit between them, at least so they can not be as tense when the other comes up in conversation, to have an internship at Pixar -- but even the material things on this list aren't things that could be realized very soon. Well, maybe the car if I win the lottery. :D (MINI!!!!!)
What about material things?
This is not a list that I'm making because I want people to get them for me. I want to know what I want, if that makes any sense at all.
(also, thank you, Lily Allen, for boosting my mood. It's really much appreciated.)
Sooooooo...
-PURPLE HIGH TOP CONVERSE. Yes, that deserves to be in all-caps. Totally.
-CDs...but which ones? Just ideas: Sheryl Crow, Metric, Muse, The XX, The Up Soundtrack, uh....Beyoncé, Sam Tsui, The Blanks, Arctic Monkeys, more Lily Allen, Kate Nash, more KT Tunstall, the Proclaimers.....Oh, definitely ideas there!!!
-A pair of jeans that actually FIT ME!!!! Gosh, wouldn't that be swell. I want jeans that make me look sexy!! (Who doesn't?)
-A pair of heels. Possibly boots. Not sure yet. But...something classy. :D
-Tickets to a concert.....: Lady Gaga, The Killers, Lily Allen, -- maybe a musical. Or Eddie Izzard!
-Cups of tea with my friends. :) Maybe they could make me coupons -- something like : This is good for one proper cup of tea with me at the earliest convenience! (the me referring to the friend -- that'd be nice.)
Hmm...I think that's the main ones. I mean, that took a while -- they didn't just jump into my mind. I had to really search for them.
Still, it's nice to say them. Wanting things is something simple, you know? It's a cope-with-able emotion. What's the word for that? Cope-with-able...manageable! That's what I was looking for. :)
Thanks for reading, all of you. :) It's nice to have you out there.
BROUGHT TO YOU LIVE! - From Emily's Room
Howdy.
So, my house has turned into a dormitory, for those of you who haven't heard it yet -- that is, the guys who work for my mom and live too far away to drive home every night are now housing in our guest and music rooms....Yeah. Fun to be had at Casa SW these days.
So, I had tons of ideas for a blog post tonight. Well, tons is exaggerating (that was said with David Tennant's voice in my head -- just thought I'd let you know), but I had some, which is more than usual. But I couldn't decide on any of them, so I decided to write a list, and then -- y'know, see what happens.
Lists are kind of my thing, if you know me.
So, some ideas (and the reasons for not going through with them) were:
1) Stories about my dog, Abby (terrier-mutt-mix that we got at the pound when she was small enough to fall through my legs if I sat cross-legged, looks a bit like Benji but fluffier, a blessing because she doesn't bark, and has huge, sweet, understanding brown eyes -- I love her.) --- rejected because I didn't know if it would be interesting or if I had good enough stories.
2)Favorite literary characters -- rejected because...Dunno. Felt like something I'd do a couple years ago, and what with being home again, I'm full of an angsty need to be MORE MATURE, to be a DIFFERENT PERSON than I used to be, though the contradictions are all around me, from the walls of my room to the high-school folks I used to know so well. Not like I was such a horrible person before. I just feel like there's a whole new part of me - a new facet, new E-personality, and I'd rather have them be together, all these personalities. I want the Mills-me to thrive at home. It's not so easy.
3) Books that shaped my childhood --- okay, this one may still come into being someday. I was doing some literary reminiscence today, and that's always nice. Just a little shout-out to the author who probably had the MOST impact: Tamora Pierce!!!! Thank you so much for all of your novels. :) Gave me that little girl-power flame oh-so-long ago. I won't forget it!
4) --a list of the ideas that I had for a blog post.
Yeeeeaaah....not my shining moment. If this were an essay, this would be a draft that I would throw out. But somehow, this medium of communication accepts failures without so much as a blink, so away into the ether you go, post!!!
(NOTE: I was typing so seriously, with such force in my fingers that I accidentally hit that unknown key combination that switches my keyboard into German...oh, je.)
So, my house has turned into a dormitory, for those of you who haven't heard it yet -- that is, the guys who work for my mom and live too far away to drive home every night are now housing in our guest and music rooms....Yeah. Fun to be had at Casa SW these days.
So, I had tons of ideas for a blog post tonight. Well, tons is exaggerating (that was said with David Tennant's voice in my head -- just thought I'd let you know), but I had some, which is more than usual. But I couldn't decide on any of them, so I decided to write a list, and then -- y'know, see what happens.
Lists are kind of my thing, if you know me.
So, some ideas (and the reasons for not going through with them) were:
1) Stories about my dog, Abby (terrier-mutt-mix that we got at the pound when she was small enough to fall through my legs if I sat cross-legged, looks a bit like Benji but fluffier, a blessing because she doesn't bark, and has huge, sweet, understanding brown eyes -- I love her.) --- rejected because I didn't know if it would be interesting or if I had good enough stories.
2)Favorite literary characters -- rejected because...Dunno. Felt like something I'd do a couple years ago, and what with being home again, I'm full of an angsty need to be MORE MATURE, to be a DIFFERENT PERSON than I used to be, though the contradictions are all around me, from the walls of my room to the high-school folks I used to know so well. Not like I was such a horrible person before. I just feel like there's a whole new part of me - a new facet, new E-personality, and I'd rather have them be together, all these personalities. I want the Mills-me to thrive at home. It's not so easy.
3) Books that shaped my childhood --- okay, this one may still come into being someday. I was doing some literary reminiscence today, and that's always nice. Just a little shout-out to the author who probably had the MOST impact: Tamora Pierce!!!! Thank you so much for all of your novels. :) Gave me that little girl-power flame oh-so-long ago. I won't forget it!
4) --a list of the ideas that I had for a blog post.
Yeeeeaaah....not my shining moment. If this were an essay, this would be a draft that I would throw out. But somehow, this medium of communication accepts failures without so much as a blink, so away into the ether you go, post!!!
(NOTE: I was typing so seriously, with such force in my fingers that I accidentally hit that unknown key combination that switches my keyboard into German...oh, je.)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Une chanson pour tout dire
Back at home.
You know one thing that changes almost as much as people do? Music. Some days -- some of the hardest days are the ones during which I cannot tell which songs I most want to hear. When I can't place my mood, when I don't know the best way to properly feel, or properly suppress what I almost feel. Those days are hard.
Mostly, this hasn't been one of those days. There was time for Metric, time for Lady Gaga, time for Meatloaf and Muse --- and this evening, when I couldn't have picked out the proper songs, somebody sent me a playlist that fit almost perfectly.
And life throws curveballs sometimes. Tonight, I auditioned for a play for the first time in my life. I read a monologue -- in a British accent -- read with another person, and sang without a guitar or anything, while onstage. Those are huge steps for me, for those of you who don't know me. Theater is my sister's arena, as is singing. Two big steps for Emily.
And then, just now, I was on Facebook (why is it that my generation is so fascinated by it? Why is it that we have these connections with email and everything? Does it scare anyone else that things can be completely superfluous and new in society and then in an incredibly small ((relatively)) period of time, become nearly essential??? -- By this I mean cell phones. The Internet. Computers. Televisions. I say this as a happy member of the internet and cell phone system. It just scares me sometimes.) -- and I was talking to someone that I still (in my mind's eye --- what a weird expression) see as a six-year-old with spikey hair and too much energy for a nice evening with our two families together. And this "kid" tells me, out of the blue, that he's had rough stuff with drugs and girls this year, that he's suspended from school. I realize that he must be older now than I remember --- probably nearing 14 or 15 --- and, something else that caught me possibly more off-guard: he missed me.
I just -- I never thought he liked me all that much; he always got me confused with my sister. And does it sound weird to say that it didn't really matter to me? I guess not. I was older, he was younger --- and I was younger, too, if that makes sense. But all of a sudden, he's so open and so kind. I hope I see him soon. I feel like I have to re-meet all the people I met when we were young so that I can meet them as actual people now.
I think I need to do that with cities, too. Reacquaint myself with new eyes.
---and I also think it's time for bed. Sorry for the long break between posts. Being home has been more complicated than I expected.
You know one thing that changes almost as much as people do? Music. Some days -- some of the hardest days are the ones during which I cannot tell which songs I most want to hear. When I can't place my mood, when I don't know the best way to properly feel, or properly suppress what I almost feel. Those days are hard.
Mostly, this hasn't been one of those days. There was time for Metric, time for Lady Gaga, time for Meatloaf and Muse --- and this evening, when I couldn't have picked out the proper songs, somebody sent me a playlist that fit almost perfectly.
And life throws curveballs sometimes. Tonight, I auditioned for a play for the first time in my life. I read a monologue -- in a British accent -- read with another person, and sang without a guitar or anything, while onstage. Those are huge steps for me, for those of you who don't know me. Theater is my sister's arena, as is singing. Two big steps for Emily.
And then, just now, I was on Facebook (why is it that my generation is so fascinated by it? Why is it that we have these connections with email and everything? Does it scare anyone else that things can be completely superfluous and new in society and then in an incredibly small ((relatively)) period of time, become nearly essential??? -- By this I mean cell phones. The Internet. Computers. Televisions. I say this as a happy member of the internet and cell phone system. It just scares me sometimes.) -- and I was talking to someone that I still (in my mind's eye --- what a weird expression) see as a six-year-old with spikey hair and too much energy for a nice evening with our two families together. And this "kid" tells me, out of the blue, that he's had rough stuff with drugs and girls this year, that he's suspended from school. I realize that he must be older now than I remember --- probably nearing 14 or 15 --- and, something else that caught me possibly more off-guard: he missed me.
I just -- I never thought he liked me all that much; he always got me confused with my sister. And does it sound weird to say that it didn't really matter to me? I guess not. I was older, he was younger --- and I was younger, too, if that makes sense. But all of a sudden, he's so open and so kind. I hope I see him soon. I feel like I have to re-meet all the people I met when we were young so that I can meet them as actual people now.
I think I need to do that with cities, too. Reacquaint myself with new eyes.
---and I also think it's time for bed. Sorry for the long break between posts. Being home has been more complicated than I expected.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Current Threat Advisory Level Is Orange
For safety reasons, please do not leave baggage unattended, and DO NOT FLY THROUGH CHICAGO-OHARE.
It is now 9:45 local Chicago time. This makes it 7:45 Oakland/Mills time, and 10:45 Pittsburgh time, my “final destination” as far as airports go. My first flight from San Francisco to Chicago went quite smoothly indeed, and it put us here in the airport in the Windy City around 5:05. Did I mention that it is now 9:45? Hm. This flight was supposed to leave at 8:10. Our captain is apparently not arriving until 10:30. Current departure time projection: 10:45. This will put me into Pittsburgh around 1 a.m., local time. I’m so sorry, mom.
--
Meanwhile, let’s talk about the ambiance of traveling! On the airplane, it’s cramped. Holy crap is it cramped. I had to go to there restroom on my first flight, as any normal person would in a four hour time period – and you CANNOT walk through the aisle (if you are a normal, me-sized person) without stepping on toes, whacking the heads of innocently sleeping folks rudely with your elbows, or –godforbid- passing someone coming in the opposite direction without causing frankly an obscene amount of hootenanny!
(it’s my first time using that word. Bear with me. ☺)
But there’s also the talking rules, the unspoken rules, which is actually ironic! The chap who was sitting next to me on the first flight followed them beautifully. I was on the end, the aisle seat that is so nice for comfort but so bad for sleeping, though not as bad as the middle seat. Anywho, as I sat down, he said to me, “what happened to your guitar?” because he had noticed that it was ruthlessly taken from me and tossed haphazardly down a cruel waterslide-for-baggage-sans-the-water that went down to the ground for it to be put in the plane. I answered about the lack of overhead compartment space, and he nodded, understanding, and told a similar story about that happening to his guitar once-upon-a-time. The story was short, had a point, and he didn’t stare awkwardly or smell bad. And then he didn’t talk for the rest of the flight. Good plane etiquette.
Sometimes you meet a person who you would gladly chat with for a half hour, but how many times have you met such a person and they thought that the conversation was over the same time you did? Huh? Exactly.
So, plane etiquette is one thing. Waiting-at-the-gate etiquette is another thing, I feel. When you’re all gathered at the gate, basically sighing and slapping your foreheads exasperatedly in unison when the people at the desk announce more delays, you feel like a herd of unfortunate cattle. And I feel conversations between parties are much more tasteful when they happen in this situation. You can commiserate, swap questions of, “So, is suchandsuchaplace home? Nah, not for me either…”/”Jeez, I hope you didn’t have a connecting flight, did you?”…etc. You laugh, you shrug, mumble things about the airline, the airport, the weather – whatever makes you feel better. And then, when you do eventually board the plane, everyone can go back to their silent, stranger-fearing ways, pretending they never did such a thing as have almost meaningful relations with strangers, because we Americans don’t do that. Then, you put those fake smiles back into place and nod at the flight attendants, and think about how you’re finally going somewhere.
And, since I’m on the subject of Americans – does anyone else ever feel astoundingly boring when you walk around speaking English all the time? Today, I have already heard two languages that I didn’t recognize. It was pretty much fantastic to hear them, but then, I heard my own voice afterwards, asking for a coffee or directions to the concourse, and that boring English just flowed over my lips, as if it were my native tongue or something.
Nah, I don’t hate English all that much. Sometimes it just seems dull, though – but only when it’s simple statements, like coffee orders. Does ordering coffee ever sound good, regardless of language? Can it sound fascinating and beautiful? I wonder. I’ll let you know when I find that magical language.
As many of you may have guessed, I am writing this from my seat at the gate, looking around at the mosaic of passengers, ranging from the happy-go-lucky-frizzy-haired-white-guy to the pensive-looking-guy-in-a-suit to the adorable-looking-man-in-turban-who-fell-asleep-with-his-headphones-in. Moods range from the mildly peeved (see blonde girl across from me!!) to the “It’s out of my hands!”, to the simple “well, I’ll sleep until we leave”. Oh, people. We deal with this in such different ways.
Also, I’ve seen too many beautiful women in beautiful saris to not miss the professor that I wrote about a couple of days ago. Not the one I to which I referred as a spider. No. The other one. Tu me manques beaucoup, Prof B.
So, if this does get posted, that means I made it home. Thank you, BJ!!!
It is now 9:45 local Chicago time. This makes it 7:45 Oakland/Mills time, and 10:45 Pittsburgh time, my “final destination” as far as airports go. My first flight from San Francisco to Chicago went quite smoothly indeed, and it put us here in the airport in the Windy City around 5:05. Did I mention that it is now 9:45? Hm. This flight was supposed to leave at 8:10. Our captain is apparently not arriving until 10:30. Current departure time projection: 10:45. This will put me into Pittsburgh around 1 a.m., local time. I’m so sorry, mom.
--
Meanwhile, let’s talk about the ambiance of traveling! On the airplane, it’s cramped. Holy crap is it cramped. I had to go to there restroom on my first flight, as any normal person would in a four hour time period – and you CANNOT walk through the aisle (if you are a normal, me-sized person) without stepping on toes, whacking the heads of innocently sleeping folks rudely with your elbows, or –godforbid- passing someone coming in the opposite direction without causing frankly an obscene amount of hootenanny!
(it’s my first time using that word. Bear with me. ☺)
But there’s also the talking rules, the unspoken rules, which is actually ironic! The chap who was sitting next to me on the first flight followed them beautifully. I was on the end, the aisle seat that is so nice for comfort but so bad for sleeping, though not as bad as the middle seat. Anywho, as I sat down, he said to me, “what happened to your guitar?” because he had noticed that it was ruthlessly taken from me and tossed haphazardly down a cruel waterslide-for-baggage-sans-the-water that went down to the ground for it to be put in the plane. I answered about the lack of overhead compartment space, and he nodded, understanding, and told a similar story about that happening to his guitar once-upon-a-time. The story was short, had a point, and he didn’t stare awkwardly or smell bad. And then he didn’t talk for the rest of the flight. Good plane etiquette.
Sometimes you meet a person who you would gladly chat with for a half hour, but how many times have you met such a person and they thought that the conversation was over the same time you did? Huh? Exactly.
So, plane etiquette is one thing. Waiting-at-the-gate etiquette is another thing, I feel. When you’re all gathered at the gate, basically sighing and slapping your foreheads exasperatedly in unison when the people at the desk announce more delays, you feel like a herd of unfortunate cattle. And I feel conversations between parties are much more tasteful when they happen in this situation. You can commiserate, swap questions of, “So, is suchandsuchaplace home? Nah, not for me either…”/”Jeez, I hope you didn’t have a connecting flight, did you?”…etc. You laugh, you shrug, mumble things about the airline, the airport, the weather – whatever makes you feel better. And then, when you do eventually board the plane, everyone can go back to their silent, stranger-fearing ways, pretending they never did such a thing as have almost meaningful relations with strangers, because we Americans don’t do that. Then, you put those fake smiles back into place and nod at the flight attendants, and think about how you’re finally going somewhere.
And, since I’m on the subject of Americans – does anyone else ever feel astoundingly boring when you walk around speaking English all the time? Today, I have already heard two languages that I didn’t recognize. It was pretty much fantastic to hear them, but then, I heard my own voice afterwards, asking for a coffee or directions to the concourse, and that boring English just flowed over my lips, as if it were my native tongue or something.
Nah, I don’t hate English all that much. Sometimes it just seems dull, though – but only when it’s simple statements, like coffee orders. Does ordering coffee ever sound good, regardless of language? Can it sound fascinating and beautiful? I wonder. I’ll let you know when I find that magical language.
As many of you may have guessed, I am writing this from my seat at the gate, looking around at the mosaic of passengers, ranging from the happy-go-lucky-frizzy-haired-white-guy to the pensive-looking-guy-in-a-suit to the adorable-looking-man-in-turban-who-fell-asleep-with-his-headphones-in. Moods range from the mildly peeved (see blonde girl across from me!!) to the “It’s out of my hands!”, to the simple “well, I’ll sleep until we leave”. Oh, people. We deal with this in such different ways.
Also, I’ve seen too many beautiful women in beautiful saris to not miss the professor that I wrote about a couple of days ago. Not the one I to which I referred as a spider. No. The other one. Tu me manques beaucoup, Prof B.
So, if this does get posted, that means I made it home. Thank you, BJ!!!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
*Read this post with a British Accent!*
Hello, everyone.
My name is Giles, and I'd like to share with you the happenings of this evening.
First, upon arriving at my dwelling for this night before my voyage home, I bade the young girls goodnight and waved them off to bed, before taking a quiet place at the dining room table. After a few minutes reading about the growth of the Pixar company (fascinating what they can do with computer animation these days), I made myself a cup of tea, and sat down to the New York Times, where I read about the murders of several school children in China, the happenings in Bangkok, appalling new trends in fashion, and an article about women serving in submarines, which I thought might interest some of you, and from which I will now quote:
"...but while the decision opens a prestigious career path to women and increases the Navy's recruiting pool for submarine postings, it has been met with quiet resistance..."The chief of the boat calls it a brotherhood of master mariners, -- not a brother and sisterhood," said the sailor, who withheld his name..."If all of a sudden they put females on my submarine, things would change so drastically, I don't think we would be able to flow as well..." Mr.Mason ((another sailor)) said the presence of women would put an end to the kind of camaraderie "that involves close physical contact, like man hugs and bottom pats"...."
My word!
On a previous page, I came across the following statement: "..debauchery awaits. Up and down Dale Mabry Highway (near Tampa, Florida), a stretch that claims to have more lap-dance emporiums per square mile than any city in the country..."
What is this world coming to?!!?
My name is Giles, and I'd like to share with you the happenings of this evening.
First, upon arriving at my dwelling for this night before my voyage home, I bade the young girls goodnight and waved them off to bed, before taking a quiet place at the dining room table. After a few minutes reading about the growth of the Pixar company (fascinating what they can do with computer animation these days), I made myself a cup of tea, and sat down to the New York Times, where I read about the murders of several school children in China, the happenings in Bangkok, appalling new trends in fashion, and an article about women serving in submarines, which I thought might interest some of you, and from which I will now quote:
"...but while the decision opens a prestigious career path to women and increases the Navy's recruiting pool for submarine postings, it has been met with quiet resistance..."The chief of the boat calls it a brotherhood of master mariners, -- not a brother and sisterhood," said the sailor, who withheld his name..."If all of a sudden they put females on my submarine, things would change so drastically, I don't think we would be able to flow as well..." Mr.Mason ((another sailor)) said the presence of women would put an end to the kind of camaraderie "that involves close physical contact, like man hugs and bottom pats"...."
My word!
On a previous page, I came across the following statement: "..debauchery awaits. Up and down Dale Mabry Highway (near Tampa, Florida), a stretch that claims to have more lap-dance emporiums per square mile than any city in the country..."
What is this world coming to?!!?
So, once I'm at home...
I don't have to get up for classes.
I don't have to sign on to the internet.
I don't have to eat what Founders wants to serve.
Wow.
I'm sitting in a computer lab, not even gone from this campus yet -- but it already feels so empty. The hallways are quiet (how blissful!!!), those slightly-haunting yellow pieces of paper are taped to most doors, and it sort of feels like I'm already gone.
More stuff than I ever knew I possessed is cluttering up my room. It's pretty amazing.
---Grandfather just called -- he's outside, waiting to pick up said stuff. Here we go!
I don't have to sign on to the internet.
I don't have to eat what Founders wants to serve.
Wow.
I'm sitting in a computer lab, not even gone from this campus yet -- but it already feels so empty. The hallways are quiet (how blissful!!!), those slightly-haunting yellow pieces of paper are taped to most doors, and it sort of feels like I'm already gone.
More stuff than I ever knew I possessed is cluttering up my room. It's pretty amazing.
---Grandfather just called -- he's outside, waiting to pick up said stuff. Here we go!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Some days, you know?
Some days are just wonderful.
I went running with a good friend this morning, and when I came back and showered, on my way to my room, I saw that some hidden benefactor had placed a bag of my favorite potato chips on my door handle, and then as I was leaving the library a couple of hours later after some serious studying (crazy, right?), I went to get my phone from my bag to turn the sound back on as it had been on silent in the library, and who should be calling at that exact instant but my girlfriend!
We just had a lovely conversation while I sat in the sun next to a fountain, and even though there's a big exam this afternoon, I think this day is just amazing.
: )
I went running with a good friend this morning, and when I came back and showered, on my way to my room, I saw that some hidden benefactor had placed a bag of my favorite potato chips on my door handle, and then as I was leaving the library a couple of hours later after some serious studying (crazy, right?), I went to get my phone from my bag to turn the sound back on as it had been on silent in the library, and who should be calling at that exact instant but my girlfriend!
We just had a lovely conversation while I sat in the sun next to a fountain, and even though there's a big exam this afternoon, I think this day is just amazing.
: )
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Why do revelations always come in the middle of something else important?
I'm serious.
Haven't you been in the middle of an exam and remembered that thing that you had to drop off at that place the day before?
Or been in the middle of a concert or a movie and realized you haven't called so and so back?
Or been on your way somewhere, a serious car/train/ or plane ride underway when you realized that first, you were supposed to deliver that important message?
Or maybe, like today, you're in the middle of studying for that very important exam when you get an inspiration for a blog post...which may not, in fact, be that much of a revelation anyway, and may in fact coming across only as pretentious --- no matter how it comes across, no one can argue when it comes to what won in the epic Blog vs. Studying battle.
Haven't you been in the middle of an exam and remembered that thing that you had to drop off at that place the day before?
Or been in the middle of a concert or a movie and realized you haven't called so and so back?
Or been on your way somewhere, a serious car/train/ or plane ride underway when you realized that first, you were supposed to deliver that important message?
Or maybe, like today, you're in the middle of studying for that very important exam when you get an inspiration for a blog post...which may not, in fact, be that much of a revelation anyway, and may in fact coming across only as pretentious --- no matter how it comes across, no one can argue when it comes to what won in the epic Blog vs. Studying battle.
For the Benefit of Mr. Kite-
And everyone else on this campus, and anything to do with kites ---
The sun is out today. Somebody be praised. Seriously.
The sun is out today. Somebody be praised. Seriously.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Chère Prof B. -
So we showed up for our exam this morning, and you showed up half an hour early with croissants, chocolates, a bouquet of sunflowers, and answers for any last minute questions we might have had. You stood there, offered us all croissants and stared at us with your big brown eyes, telling us to breathe deeply and not stress about the exam. And when I handed you the exam after I had finished, you wished me a good vacation, and I don't think anyone has ever wished me that as sincerely as you did.
Professor B, you are simply fantastic. Thank you so much for being our maman à Mills. I will miss you so much this summer!
Professor B, you are simply fantastic. Thank you so much for being our maman à Mills. I will miss you so much this summer!
Caught in a bad romance...
With my blog.
Or, rather, with finals, because they get in the way of me updating my blog -- and they get in the way of going to the gym, talking to my family, writing letters, reading -- pesky little buggers.
Point is, in a couple of hours, I will be technically done with half of my finals -- one test, one paper. Go me. The others -- well, I'll handle them when I get there. I wish everyone else who starts their finals today good luck and hope that you have a nice cup of hot chocolate/tea/coffee/something waiting for you when you finish, because you deserve it.
Alright. Let's go! We kill the best!
Or, rather, with finals, because they get in the way of me updating my blog -- and they get in the way of going to the gym, talking to my family, writing letters, reading -- pesky little buggers.
Point is, in a couple of hours, I will be technically done with half of my finals -- one test, one paper. Go me. The others -- well, I'll handle them when I get there. I wish everyone else who starts their finals today good luck and hope that you have a nice cup of hot chocolate/tea/coffee/something waiting for you when you finish, because you deserve it.
Alright. Let's go! We kill the best!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Ugh.
I just realized - when I sign my name fast, my first name comes out looking like Enid. Oh dear.
"I'll write you harmony in C...."
Listening to some Metric this morning. Nice way to start out the day.
Actually, I started out the day with a walk around campus with a friend, followed by tea and the end of an extremely disturbing French film that I hope none of you will ever see - in fact, I wish I had never seen it. Following that which set my eyes on fire, I had a lovely discussion with said friend about our mutual friend, David Attenborough. : ) Good times.
Now, it's Friday. Finals start tomorrow. I need to study. I need to write a paper. I also need to do laundry. I also need to keep packing up my room. I also have this desperate desire to do anything but those things above. How's this going to go?
I think no matter what comes first, be it procrastination or floor-sweeping or whatnot, raucous music will accompany my actions -- and if that's the case, how bad could it be?
Happy winding down of the semester, all.
Also: I have received a challenge from a reader of the movie-chain that I made the other day. I will be addressing that challenge soon! Stay tuned!
Actually, I started out the day with a walk around campus with a friend, followed by tea and the end of an extremely disturbing French film that I hope none of you will ever see - in fact, I wish I had never seen it. Following that which set my eyes on fire, I had a lovely discussion with said friend about our mutual friend, David Attenborough. : ) Good times.
Now, it's Friday. Finals start tomorrow. I need to study. I need to write a paper. I also need to do laundry. I also need to keep packing up my room. I also have this desperate desire to do anything but those things above. How's this going to go?
I think no matter what comes first, be it procrastination or floor-sweeping or whatnot, raucous music will accompany my actions -- and if that's the case, how bad could it be?
Happy winding down of the semester, all.
Also: I have received a challenge from a reader of the movie-chain that I made the other day. I will be addressing that challenge soon! Stay tuned!
Monday, May 3, 2010
A fun exercise in association:
Name two movies that have the same actor/actress in them -- see if you can follow the chain of actors/actresses! I thought this was cool..
Chicago --- Pretty Woman
Pretty Woman -- Notting Hill
Notting Hill -- Music & Lyrics
Music & Lyrics -- Ever After
Ever After -- The Witches
The Witches -- Love Actually
Love Actually -- Harry Potter
Harry Potter -- The Patriot
The Patriot - The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight - The Prestige
The Prestige - Happy Feet
Happy Feet - Girl Interrupted
Girl Interrupted - Edward Scissorhands
Edward Scissorhands - Sleepy Hollow
Sleepy Hollow - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Two Towers - The Aviator
The Aviator - Ocean's Eleven
Ocean's Eleven - Chicago
So, that's for today. : ) Enjoy!!! I think it's really cool.
Chicago --- Pretty Woman
Pretty Woman -- Notting Hill
Notting Hill -- Music & Lyrics
Music & Lyrics -- Ever After
Ever After -- The Witches
The Witches -- Love Actually
Love Actually -- Harry Potter
Harry Potter -- The Patriot
The Patriot - The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight - The Prestige
The Prestige - Happy Feet
Happy Feet - Girl Interrupted
Girl Interrupted - Edward Scissorhands
Edward Scissorhands - Sleepy Hollow
Sleepy Hollow - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Two Towers - The Aviator
The Aviator - Ocean's Eleven
Ocean's Eleven - Chicago
So, that's for today. : ) Enjoy!!! I think it's really cool.
During the process of cleaning...
I found several cards/pictures/notes/doodles from folks around that I do not think I will bring with me next year, but this post is in remembrance!
Trader Joe's, that receipt that you gave me when I went and bought exactly what I wanted (i.e. blueberry jam, chocolate chips, baby carrots, Irish breakfast tea, sugar snap peas, and cheddar cheese) was very kind and I have fond memories of that trip, but I think it will have to go.
Friends, you know who you are - you gave me a card last semester when I was very ill, and I wanted to say thank you one more time.
Gosh this sounds cheesy.
Maybe I'll skip the individual ones for the rest, but this is my way of making sure that they were noted before they get tossed. Thank you all!! They graced my desk for a good long while.
Trader Joe's, that receipt that you gave me when I went and bought exactly what I wanted (i.e. blueberry jam, chocolate chips, baby carrots, Irish breakfast tea, sugar snap peas, and cheddar cheese) was very kind and I have fond memories of that trip, but I think it will have to go.
Friends, you know who you are - you gave me a card last semester when I was very ill, and I wanted to say thank you one more time.
Gosh this sounds cheesy.
Maybe I'll skip the individual ones for the rest, but this is my way of making sure that they were noted before they get tossed. Thank you all!! They graced my desk for a good long while.
Yeah, yeah....
I know I said I'd be working on my Anthropology midterm. I know the technical due date is tomorrow, but he's giving us until next week. I know it's been a week since I've had the assignment...I just have this procrastination urge. Call it... a call to blog, if you will.
I've had a couple of interesting experiences today, unprecedented ones. First of all, I brought the wrong folder to a class. x_X I have not done that this entire year, which is surprising even to me. However, true nerd as I am, I noticed that I didn't have the folder while I was at the office hours of the professor for whose class I needed the folder, so there was still time to dash back across the bleeding hot campus to get it. Seriously, folks - it was hot today!
Second unprecedented thing: I left my phone on vibrate during class today. Not on purpose, you must understand. It just... happened. But THEN -- the really incredible thing: I got a text during class!! I always check my phone after class, hoping against hope that I was important enough to merit a message in that hour from 1 to 2 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays -- but never anything, until the day when the bloody thing isn't on silent.
Oh, well. No one noticed, anyway.
I also realized a couple of things that I just think might never change, and I wanted to write them here.
Person X will always be shockingly tactless in conversation.
Person XY will never, ever finish her homework before coming to class. Not this semester, anyway.
Professor XZY will always bother me, even though I try not to be bothered by her. It's a personality issue. (though today, it was a me-defending-some-other-student-that-she-treated-wrongly-thing. Or wanting to defend. I didn't say anything....)
I will always inevitably switch my iPod to Sam's Town while I'm at the gym. (People, have you HEARD this album? The Killers are incredible. I swear, I feel like I could do anything as long as I'm listening to 'When You Were Young', and I feel like the coolest person in the world during 'Bling (Confessions of a King)'. I think I might have even stayed on crew if they had played this during practice, and that's saying something. BTW: I'm officially OFF the team, as in not coming back next year. Just wanted to make sure y'all knew it was official.)
The menu at Founders will never be what I was hoping for it to be. Best to not think of it at all, and then, you know, it might show up!
I also was thinking, just, for the heck of it about what I would miss if I lived in a space station. I would miss sunshine -- nothing else on your skin feels like sunshine does, you know? Even in winter, that warmth is so comforting. And another thing I'd miss -- the feeling when you're hot and sweaty for one reason or another and a slight breeze just catches you and it's the most blissful feeling... Yeah. I'd miss that.
And I'd miss the smell of freshly mowed grass. I feel like if space-station-grass were grown and then cut, it still wouldn't smell the same.
Gotta love this earth, man. Woman. Sorry. I forget I'm still at Mills -- gotta watch myself!
:)
I've had a couple of interesting experiences today, unprecedented ones. First of all, I brought the wrong folder to a class. x_X I have not done that this entire year, which is surprising even to me. However, true nerd as I am, I noticed that I didn't have the folder while I was at the office hours of the professor for whose class I needed the folder, so there was still time to dash back across the bleeding hot campus to get it. Seriously, folks - it was hot today!
Second unprecedented thing: I left my phone on vibrate during class today. Not on purpose, you must understand. It just... happened. But THEN -- the really incredible thing: I got a text during class!! I always check my phone after class, hoping against hope that I was important enough to merit a message in that hour from 1 to 2 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays -- but never anything, until the day when the bloody thing isn't on silent.
Oh, well. No one noticed, anyway.
I also realized a couple of things that I just think might never change, and I wanted to write them here.
Person X will always be shockingly tactless in conversation.
Person XY will never, ever finish her homework before coming to class. Not this semester, anyway.
Professor XZY will always bother me, even though I try not to be bothered by her. It's a personality issue. (though today, it was a me-defending-some-other-student-that-she-treated-wrongly-thing. Or wanting to defend. I didn't say anything....)
I will always inevitably switch my iPod to Sam's Town while I'm at the gym. (People, have you HEARD this album? The Killers are incredible. I swear, I feel like I could do anything as long as I'm listening to 'When You Were Young', and I feel like the coolest person in the world during 'Bling (Confessions of a King)'. I think I might have even stayed on crew if they had played this during practice, and that's saying something. BTW: I'm officially OFF the team, as in not coming back next year. Just wanted to make sure y'all knew it was official.)
The menu at Founders will never be what I was hoping for it to be. Best to not think of it at all, and then, you know, it might show up!
I also was thinking, just, for the heck of it about what I would miss if I lived in a space station. I would miss sunshine -- nothing else on your skin feels like sunshine does, you know? Even in winter, that warmth is so comforting. And another thing I'd miss -- the feeling when you're hot and sweaty for one reason or another and a slight breeze just catches you and it's the most blissful feeling... Yeah. I'd miss that.
And I'd miss the smell of freshly mowed grass. I feel like if space-station-grass were grown and then cut, it still wouldn't smell the same.
Gotta love this earth, man. Woman. Sorry. I forget I'm still at Mills -- gotta watch myself!
:)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Wait, hang on a sec...
It's..almost...summer?!?!?!
What am I going to do without homework?
I'm going to lie in bed in the mornings, having just shut off an alarm that I set for no reason, and I'll think: "I really ought to get up; I need to work on-----" and then I'll draw a blank, and I will feel so lost!!!
Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to serious cuddle time with my dog, endless cups of tea, movies with my sister, periods of lounging in the sun, and hours of sitting in dark movie theaters...if I can get someone to go with me and pay for part of it. Ticket prices these days...
This is the first of probably several "I can't wait to just be at home" posts... just to warn ya.
It's late. I'm turnin' in.
Welcome to the first full week of May, y'all.
What am I going to do without homework?
I'm going to lie in bed in the mornings, having just shut off an alarm that I set for no reason, and I'll think: "I really ought to get up; I need to work on-----" and then I'll draw a blank, and I will feel so lost!!!
Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to serious cuddle time with my dog, endless cups of tea, movies with my sister, periods of lounging in the sun, and hours of sitting in dark movie theaters...if I can get someone to go with me and pay for part of it. Ticket prices these days...
This is the first of probably several "I can't wait to just be at home" posts... just to warn ya.
It's late. I'm turnin' in.
Welcome to the first full week of May, y'all.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Will you take me back?
Hey, blog. Hey, folks....
I have a confession to make. I've been cheating on you, blog...with...well, several people. Tumblr, for one -- that's a foxy lady right there. Then there's also Buffy, that vixen --- and I can't leave out homework. I don't know what it is, but homework always seems to have some power over me. She's powerful.
So, that's why I've been so weird and distant with you. Those are the reasons that I've seemed so distracted in our conversations and why it seems like my mind is always elsewhere.
My sincerest apologies. Even if I can't promise an immediate change in behavior (given that finals are coming up), know that I do feel very, very bad about my behavior.
So, after I blast through the last homework assignments and those pesky exams, we'll spend some quality time together. Promise.
I have a confession to make. I've been cheating on you, blog...with...well, several people. Tumblr, for one -- that's a foxy lady right there. Then there's also Buffy, that vixen --- and I can't leave out homework. I don't know what it is, but homework always seems to have some power over me. She's powerful.
So, that's why I've been so weird and distant with you. Those are the reasons that I've seemed so distracted in our conversations and why it seems like my mind is always elsewhere.
My sincerest apologies. Even if I can't promise an immediate change in behavior (given that finals are coming up), know that I do feel very, very bad about my behavior.
So, after I blast through the last homework assignments and those pesky exams, we'll spend some quality time together. Promise.
WHOAAAA ----I can put pictures up on BLOGGER!!!
Holy goodness, this is fantastic. : )
Above is a picture of a part of the monastery where I spent 10 days for a meditation retreat in Thailand...See my other blog (in a couple months) for details. I just thought the picture was gorgeous --- and I didn't take it, so I can say that -- and wanted to show it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Brilliance from a Slightly Tipsy Friend
"Me an' that Russian goddess....reunited once more."
"NO! Nonono---nobody was drunk in the car, except for everyone who WASN'T the driver."
"HIIII!" *stumblestumble*
I suppose you had to be there, but I wanted to make sure it was noted.
"NO! Nonono---nobody was drunk in the car, except for everyone who WASN'T the driver."
"HIIII!" *stumblestumble*
I suppose you had to be there, but I wanted to make sure it was noted.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Just between you and me.
So, caffeine -- I've got a bone to pick with you. However, since I only have a small representative of you here, I will be directing this entire rant to my cup of tea.
I thought you and me had an accord? I like you. I like you lots. You come to me in all manner of different forms, yummy drinks and snacks - from the blackest of teas to the darkest of chocolates, from the harshest espresso (mmm) to the bubbliest Diet Coke --- and we both know, when I don't have you at the right time during the day, you send a wicked headache my way to tell me that you miss me. I understand. This is how you deal with most people. It's not my fault that you didn't learn the nicest of social skills.
However, today, you reneged on your pledge, you tricksy chemical compound, you. Instead of the ritual headache, you made me groggy as a bat in the daytime and planted the idea of a nap in my mind, but when I actually lay down, you dragged me in and out of sleep every five minutes. It was not kind, I tell you. I'm still half asleep and not rested, but it's several hours later in the day than it was when I lay down.
It's no fun to feel stressed but too tired (legitimately) to do anything.
To put things more concisely: just gimme a headache next time, mmkay?
I thought you and me had an accord? I like you. I like you lots. You come to me in all manner of different forms, yummy drinks and snacks - from the blackest of teas to the darkest of chocolates, from the harshest espresso (mmm) to the bubbliest Diet Coke --- and we both know, when I don't have you at the right time during the day, you send a wicked headache my way to tell me that you miss me. I understand. This is how you deal with most people. It's not my fault that you didn't learn the nicest of social skills.
However, today, you reneged on your pledge, you tricksy chemical compound, you. Instead of the ritual headache, you made me groggy as a bat in the daytime and planted the idea of a nap in my mind, but when I actually lay down, you dragged me in and out of sleep every five minutes. It was not kind, I tell you. I'm still half asleep and not rested, but it's several hours later in the day than it was when I lay down.
It's no fun to feel stressed but too tired (legitimately) to do anything.
To put things more concisely: just gimme a headache next time, mmkay?
A sleepy footnote:
So, I'd like y'all to know that I recently got a tumblr account. You can find me there at www.esw.tumblr.com
On that page, there's lots of videos, quotes, and music that I love. Enjoy!
Also: I stayed up waaay too late tonight, and will now be going to bed.
Good night!
On that page, there's lots of videos, quotes, and music that I love. Enjoy!
Also: I stayed up waaay too late tonight, and will now be going to bed.
Good night!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Mocking the Beast
Just a special event that has to be announced:
In Genetics today, I imitated the professor's accent for EVERYONE to hear, and people thought it was damn HILARIOUS. Including her.
Thank you, thank you -- thank you very much. : )
In Genetics today, I imitated the professor's accent for EVERYONE to hear, and people thought it was damn HILARIOUS. Including her.
Thank you, thank you -- thank you very much. : )
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Chase the Morning
Hey, you -- crappy mood. Yeah, I'm talking to you.
You know you and your whole icky-feeling, mood-confusing, loneliness-bringing, situation-messing-up, cloud-bringing fucked-up-ness? WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME KNOW YOU'RE COMING?
I mean, I think I speak for most of my human comrades, here. Just a note, a feeling, a dream --- something as a way of letting us know that you're on your way. One of your clan. There's lots of types of you.
As it is, you POP out of nowhere - ruining a plan, a morning, a day, a meal - you're pretty skilled at messing things up, you know.
But as it turns out, you don't have to ruin things. Oh, yeah. I know you're quaking in your fancy-looking pleather boots and dashing coat to hear this, but it's true. We humans have got a couple of things up our sleeves. Yeah. It's called patience. Sometimes, it's called friendship. Sometimes it's called therapeutic writing/singing/dancing/screaming -- but either way, no matter under which pseudonym it glides, what it is is RESISTANCE to YOU, Mr. Bad Mood. Take that.
You know you and your whole icky-feeling, mood-confusing, loneliness-bringing, situation-messing-up, cloud-bringing fucked-up-ness? WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME KNOW YOU'RE COMING?
I mean, I think I speak for most of my human comrades, here. Just a note, a feeling, a dream --- something as a way of letting us know that you're on your way. One of your clan. There's lots of types of you.
As it is, you POP out of nowhere - ruining a plan, a morning, a day, a meal - you're pretty skilled at messing things up, you know.
But as it turns out, you don't have to ruin things. Oh, yeah. I know you're quaking in your fancy-looking pleather boots and dashing coat to hear this, but it's true. We humans have got a couple of things up our sleeves. Yeah. It's called patience. Sometimes, it's called friendship. Sometimes it's called therapeutic writing/singing/dancing/screaming -- but either way, no matter under which pseudonym it glides, what it is is RESISTANCE to YOU, Mr. Bad Mood. Take that.
Monday, April 26, 2010
SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN:
'Nifty' is a fantastic word.
So is 'frolic'.
And 'schlepp'.
As well as 'skiddadle'.
Let's not forget 'flail'. (Hihi...sorry for the inside joke.)
And another word I've always loved? 'Glisten'.
Favorite words in other languages include: trotzdem, fière, wai, pouvoir, and for one of our readers, Pfannkuchen. :)
So is 'frolic'.
And 'schlepp'.
As well as 'skiddadle'.
Let's not forget 'flail'. (Hihi...sorry for the inside joke.)
And another word I've always loved? 'Glisten'.
Favorite words in other languages include: trotzdem, fière, wai, pouvoir, and for one of our readers, Pfannkuchen. :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Commenting
Hey, folks.
So, there's this nifty toggle feature thing that makes it so only people who have blogger accounts can comment. Yeeeaah. I toggled that thang OFF. So, comment away! Please! Thank you! : )
So, there's this nifty toggle feature thing that makes it so only people who have blogger accounts can comment. Yeeeaah. I toggled that thang OFF. So, comment away! Please! Thank you! : )
A footnote, 'cause I'm a wimp:
I enjoy wearing white v-neck tees and jeans. I have a Teagan and Sara CD. I have lots of political views. I enjoy dykey outfits and haircuts and everything.
I just do all of the above tastefully, with an awareness that there are other people in the world who are just as cool, just as righteous, just as politically and morally and in all other ways worthy as I am.
I just do all of the above tastefully, with an awareness that there are other people in the world who are just as cool, just as righteous, just as politically and morally and in all other ways worthy as I am.
Oh, Puh-LEASE!
I realized that there were a couple of things that I've wanted to say to some people -- the types of things I'd want to become a 'fan' of on facebook, if facebook still had people become 'fans' of things, and if these awesome things were up there as optional things to 'Fan' (verb). (-- I'm feeling a little unforgiving tonight, which is fun. For those of you who know me, you know I'd probably never have the nerve to say these things to people in person, but that's the nice thing about this place -- today it's a free for all vent-o-rama!)
These select things include:
-Oh, come ON! Back then, you thought Backstreet Boys were JUST AS COOL as the rest of us did.
-Yeah, right. Don't give me that, "oh, of course!" (in a nasaly, teacher's pet voice) -- you were just as confused at what the professor just said as the rest of us. We all know it. It's no use pretending.
-You know what?? I went to public school and I came out okay! BETTER, in fact, since I know there's a real world out there! Take that, graduating-class-of-twelve.
-Yes, I am wearing tennis shoes with my skirt. No, it's not the most stylish thing, but I don't have the money to flaunt my style. Why don't you get back to me when you've found my style? Until then, back off. My personality wouldn't fit into that handbag, unlike yours.
-I wore makeup yesterday. Today, with the wonderful invention of a sports bra and a t-shirt, things look different! Now BACK OFF. I don't have to be butch or femme just to make you happy. Who told you I cared what you think?
-BACK OFF MY MUSIC. That's all.
-My room, my rules. In my space, black tea is superior. Don't try to tell me otherwise.
-PROFESSOR! If I your entire class has to come to your office hours to complete the homework, do you think maybe something's wrong? HMM??
-Oh, you know you watched Disney, too, when you were young. Gimme a break.
-SHAVING ONES LEGS DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON ANTI-FEMINIST.
-Believing in some of the principles of feminism and agreeing on the foundations of the philosophy does not make me one of the crazy, angry feminists that one is likely to see around here. Just wanted to clear that up.
-CHRIST HAD A WELL-PUBLICIZED BIRTH. HE ALSO HAD A WELL-ATTENDED DEATH. Can anyone really argue with that? No - didn't think so. So does it HAVE to be such a big deal if we use that marker to measure time? If you want, we can call this the year 4.55 billion, but honestly, I think 2010 A.D. is easier.
-Please don't listen to the professor only to critique him/her. Honestly, you are wrong about half the time, and it's extremely pretentious and rude to listen only to criticize.
-I may be treading on eggshells here, but I gotta ask: So, there's a solidarity lounge, BWC, and Queer Melanin. Isn't it true that if I made a 'White People's Gay Club', you'd be a little less than pleased? Hm. Let's think about this, people.
-People, we're living in a dorm. Common spaces are COMMON. Don't leave your grossness in the shower!
-Being gay doesn't mean that you hate the gender that you aren't sexually attracted to. It also doesn't mean that you have to form an exclusive club that promotes stereotypes. It also doesn't mean that every dinner conversation has to revolve around vaginas, penises, or whatever/whoever you did last night. It doesn't mean you have to NOT shave, NOT respect people who are straight, and NOT watch any tv shows that don't have to do with anything gay. It doesn't mean you can only wear skirts, or only wear white, v-neck tees with your oh-so-cool jeans. PLEASE, über-dykes. You're giving the rest of us a bad name. Put away your Teagan & Sara CDs and get over yourselves.
*bows* Thank you very much.
These select things include:
-Oh, come ON! Back then, you thought Backstreet Boys were JUST AS COOL as the rest of us did.
-Yeah, right. Don't give me that, "oh, of course!" (in a nasaly, teacher's pet voice) -- you were just as confused at what the professor just said as the rest of us. We all know it. It's no use pretending.
-You know what?? I went to public school and I came out okay! BETTER, in fact, since I know there's a real world out there! Take that, graduating-class-of-twelve.
-Yes, I am wearing tennis shoes with my skirt. No, it's not the most stylish thing, but I don't have the money to flaunt my style. Why don't you get back to me when you've found my style? Until then, back off. My personality wouldn't fit into that handbag, unlike yours.
-I wore makeup yesterday. Today, with the wonderful invention of a sports bra and a t-shirt, things look different! Now BACK OFF. I don't have to be butch or femme just to make you happy. Who told you I cared what you think?
-BACK OFF MY MUSIC. That's all.
-My room, my rules. In my space, black tea is superior. Don't try to tell me otherwise.
-PROFESSOR! If I your entire class has to come to your office hours to complete the homework, do you think maybe something's wrong? HMM??
-Oh, you know you watched Disney, too, when you were young. Gimme a break.
-SHAVING ONES LEGS DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON ANTI-FEMINIST.
-Believing in some of the principles of feminism and agreeing on the foundations of the philosophy does not make me one of the crazy, angry feminists that one is likely to see around here. Just wanted to clear that up.
-CHRIST HAD A WELL-PUBLICIZED BIRTH. HE ALSO HAD A WELL-ATTENDED DEATH. Can anyone really argue with that? No - didn't think so. So does it HAVE to be such a big deal if we use that marker to measure time? If you want, we can call this the year 4.55 billion, but honestly, I think 2010 A.D. is easier.
-Please don't listen to the professor only to critique him/her. Honestly, you are wrong about half the time, and it's extremely pretentious and rude to listen only to criticize.
-I may be treading on eggshells here, but I gotta ask: So, there's a solidarity lounge, BWC, and Queer Melanin. Isn't it true that if I made a 'White People's Gay Club', you'd be a little less than pleased? Hm. Let's think about this, people.
-People, we're living in a dorm. Common spaces are COMMON. Don't leave your grossness in the shower!
-Being gay doesn't mean that you hate the gender that you aren't sexually attracted to. It also doesn't mean that you have to form an exclusive club that promotes stereotypes. It also doesn't mean that every dinner conversation has to revolve around vaginas, penises, or whatever/whoever you did last night. It doesn't mean you have to NOT shave, NOT respect people who are straight, and NOT watch any tv shows that don't have to do with anything gay. It doesn't mean you can only wear skirts, or only wear white, v-neck tees with your oh-so-cool jeans. PLEASE, über-dykes. You're giving the rest of us a bad name. Put away your Teagan & Sara CDs and get over yourselves.
*bows* Thank you very much.
Sweet, Pretty Darlin', Do Not Cry
Sunday night blues? Not quite.
Everything seems to be in order: homework (almost done), procrastination (right on time), laundry (in the process of being done), music (playing away), friends (around and about), family (farther away than I'd like), events during the week (enough to make me nervous, but far away enough for me to forget about, too) --- it's all there, just like a normal day.
And yet, with that quiet sunset and the smell of California spring, my mind's elsewhere. It might be wandering down a cobblestone street in a small town that I've only seen in winter, and in another moment, it might be admiring the rhododendron blooms back in ol' PA. And then there's a part of me that doesn't want to say goodbye to this place either.
I know the year's not over yet, but it feels like it. During the week I'll forget again, ganz bestimmt, but right now? Feel like I'm floating without a tether. Coming to a momentary halt over this beautiful campus now only because there's no breeze to blow me elsewhere. But how long will I stay?
In the meantime, I've got a letter to write. Something I do gladly.
Everything seems to be in order: homework (almost done), procrastination (right on time), laundry (in the process of being done), music (playing away), friends (around and about), family (farther away than I'd like), events during the week (enough to make me nervous, but far away enough for me to forget about, too) --- it's all there, just like a normal day.
And yet, with that quiet sunset and the smell of California spring, my mind's elsewhere. It might be wandering down a cobblestone street in a small town that I've only seen in winter, and in another moment, it might be admiring the rhododendron blooms back in ol' PA. And then there's a part of me that doesn't want to say goodbye to this place either.
I know the year's not over yet, but it feels like it. During the week I'll forget again, ganz bestimmt, but right now? Feel like I'm floating without a tether. Coming to a momentary halt over this beautiful campus now only because there's no breeze to blow me elsewhere. But how long will I stay?
In the meantime, I've got a letter to write. Something I do gladly.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Garlic Fries, Yells, Souvenir Cups
SO, after 8 and 1/2 innings of understanding why it is that some people might hate baseball (and yet still enjoying the ambiance fully), the Giants finally brought it home. Take that, Cardinals.
I had a lovely, lovely evening -- complete with wonderful daydreams that have no memorable starting point, memories abound, hilarious conversations with wonderful people, --- and, as previously mentioned, garlic fries!
GO GIANTS!
I had a lovely, lovely evening -- complete with wonderful daydreams that have no memorable starting point, memories abound, hilarious conversations with wonderful people, --- and, as previously mentioned, garlic fries!
GO GIANTS!
Guided by The Killers
So, just to let you all know, this morning, I had a dream that I owned a minicooper. Hell, yeah. That was fun... I think it may have even had that awesome flag bit on the top...
Also, since I've woken up, I've been able to do nothing but think about Thailand every thirty seconds or so, so I made myself a cup of tea, put on Sam's Town, and I have been going through old pictures. It's been just amazing.
In other news, I'm still a college student, and it still isn't summer yet, so from this point on today, I'll probably be doing homework. That is, until I go to the gym, and then to see the Giants play!!!
Also, since I've woken up, I've been able to do nothing but think about Thailand every thirty seconds or so, so I made myself a cup of tea, put on Sam's Town, and I have been going through old pictures. It's been just amazing.
In other news, I'm still a college student, and it still isn't summer yet, so from this point on today, I'll probably be doing homework. That is, until I go to the gym, and then to see the Giants play!!!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Minor apologies--
Every now and then, a post may appear hear that contains an obscure reference to an individual, and for those of you who do not know said individual, these posts may seem confusing. I apologize for that confusion. However, I encourage you to read the descriptions I put here and then eventually meet the individual to whom they pertain, and tell me if it is a true likeness!
Hot Mess
A lovely spring day! There's music blasting in the hallway, the sun is shining, classes are over for the week --- and that crazed prof is sitting in her web, smiling her crooked smile.
Today, in her lecture, she paid a great service to her many students. Let us say, metaphorically, hypothetically, that in her lecture, there was a certain path she could follow - a certain straightforward, stepping over the brambles and obstacles footpath. Now let us take a look at what the spinner decided to do.
She looked at the path ahead. She described to the individuals behind her, all clutching their notebooks and pens feverishly, the composition of the soil beneath their feet. As they all looked down, puzzled, wondering at the importance of that detail - and as they did so, she skittered up a rock on the side of the path and out of sight. The students, bewildered, followed. In much the same manner, the arachnide woman led the pour souls over hill and dale, through rivers and over quicksand, under creeping vines and around smelly bogs, all the way encouraging the mild little sheep that they would understand as soon as they got through.
And when they did "get through", the majority turned around and saw the starting point of their path, not two yards away from where they stood with no obstacles in their way, and they did not understand why they had not come that way in the first place.
....except the rooster with the peacock feathers tied to its wings. That rooster crowed with approval.
Today, in her lecture, she paid a great service to her many students. Let us say, metaphorically, hypothetically, that in her lecture, there was a certain path she could follow - a certain straightforward, stepping over the brambles and obstacles footpath. Now let us take a look at what the spinner decided to do.
She looked at the path ahead. She described to the individuals behind her, all clutching their notebooks and pens feverishly, the composition of the soil beneath their feet. As they all looked down, puzzled, wondering at the importance of that detail - and as they did so, she skittered up a rock on the side of the path and out of sight. The students, bewildered, followed. In much the same manner, the arachnide woman led the pour souls over hill and dale, through rivers and over quicksand, under creeping vines and around smelly bogs, all the way encouraging the mild little sheep that they would understand as soon as they got through.
And when they did "get through", the majority turned around and saw the starting point of their path, not two yards away from where they stood with no obstacles in their way, and they did not understand why they had not come that way in the first place.
....except the rooster with the peacock feathers tied to its wings. That rooster crowed with approval.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
That Crazy Thang
So, memories are fascinating.
Yesterday, as I was sitting down in math class, I smelled a certain classroomy smell and I immediately went back to my 7th grade English class, taught by the aptly named Ms. Schreiber. It was amazing how quickly it happened, especially considering that I never thought her classroom smelled much like anything.
However, an even MORE powerful scent memory came this morning as I was just arriving for dance class, after having had a lovely and amusing dialog with myself about the many ways in which one can describe the way one gets from place to place (i.e. - walking, trotting, flouncing, flitting, galumphing, slouching, stumbling, sidling, scooting, high-tailing, etc.). I went into the locker room and suddenly, I smelled what must've been someone's soap or something, and it was the EXACT scent of the tiny bars of white soap that my host sister and I used weekly to scrub all the socks while I was in Thailand. The two of us would sit on overturned washing tubs or on nothing at all, crouching over the ground with a slab of smooth rock (looked like marble, but I'm not sure) and we'd hold a sodden sock down with one hand and run the soap over it (plusieurs fois), turning it to make sure that we got all of the sides before it got dumped into the rinsing bucket. This was every Saturday afternoon, the morning after I routinely stayed up through the entire night with a fellow exchange student while at a music camp at my school. Usually, Saturdays, I would come home and hope that my host mom had forgotten about laundry --- haha. Then, sleep in my eyes and thinking only of my nap later, my sister and I would crouch over those damn socks, getting cramps in our backs and get the job done.
Even when I think about now, I start to feel the slight breeze and the warm, humid air. I miss that life.
Yesterday, as I was sitting down in math class, I smelled a certain classroomy smell and I immediately went back to my 7th grade English class, taught by the aptly named Ms. Schreiber. It was amazing how quickly it happened, especially considering that I never thought her classroom smelled much like anything.
However, an even MORE powerful scent memory came this morning as I was just arriving for dance class, after having had a lovely and amusing dialog with myself about the many ways in which one can describe the way one gets from place to place (i.e. - walking, trotting, flouncing, flitting, galumphing, slouching, stumbling, sidling, scooting, high-tailing, etc.). I went into the locker room and suddenly, I smelled what must've been someone's soap or something, and it was the EXACT scent of the tiny bars of white soap that my host sister and I used weekly to scrub all the socks while I was in Thailand. The two of us would sit on overturned washing tubs or on nothing at all, crouching over the ground with a slab of smooth rock (looked like marble, but I'm not sure) and we'd hold a sodden sock down with one hand and run the soap over it (plusieurs fois), turning it to make sure that we got all of the sides before it got dumped into the rinsing bucket. This was every Saturday afternoon, the morning after I routinely stayed up through the entire night with a fellow exchange student while at a music camp at my school. Usually, Saturdays, I would come home and hope that my host mom had forgotten about laundry --- haha. Then, sleep in my eyes and thinking only of my nap later, my sister and I would crouch over those damn socks, getting cramps in our backs and get the job done.
Even when I think about now, I start to feel the slight breeze and the warm, humid air. I miss that life.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Huh!
I was rereading the post before the one before the last one, and I realized that I said 'in my head' so many times, I might as well have been singing a weirdly self-centered version of Zombie.
Huh.
Huh.
SO, apparently, I'm a sitcom.
My friends tell me this. They tell me (when they follow me with their eyes after an episode of Buffy or the like, as I'm straightening up my room or something) that they have to keep their eyes on me, because they don't know when I'm going to do something funny, like in a sitcom. They have to watch the whole time for that rare moment of comedy!!
And they told me tonight that they wished I were on camera all the time -- they think it would be funny.
In other news, I'm having trouble speaking today. So far, I've said 'heal' instead of 'hear', 'riliculous' instead of 'ridiculous' and many, many weird smushings of sounds instead of actual words.
Oh, je. (that's actually German, not another mistake!)
And they told me tonight that they wished I were on camera all the time -- they think it would be funny.
In other news, I'm having trouble speaking today. So far, I've said 'heal' instead of 'hear', 'riliculous' instead of 'ridiculous' and many, many weird smushings of sounds instead of actual words.
Oh, je. (that's actually German, not another mistake!)
Just a Wednesday...
When I sing along with Lily Allen in my head, I try to imitate her accent. Is that kosher? I wonder if I could actually do it out loud..
Also, last night, I had a dream in which things kept being a dream. It was like -- like one of those pictures that it's possible that no one else sees but me, but where, in your head, you see an ice floe (For example -- yes, this has been in my head before). And on said ice floe, there's a polar bear. The polar bear tries to stand up, and the ice tips because his weight isn't centered anymore, if that makes sense. And in my head, I try to just keep the picture of the polar bear there before it tries to stand -- instead, the part where it stands up and then falls in the water keeps replaying in my head.
So, my dream was kind of similar to that bunch of dribble up there that you may or may not have understood.
In my dream, I was in my room (I mean, my room in the dream, so not my real room) and talking to my girlfriend, and -- the scene just kept evolving where I would suddenly become some sort of warrior or something, I always had some crazy weapon, but then it wasn't really me anymore, so the real me would come in and stop the crazy thing that I had just turned in to, but a few minutes later, it would happen again...
Anyways, I think it was stress-related. I felt bad for brandishing so many weapons in one night. I think there may have been a catapult involved at some point in the dream, too -- though that was kind of a transition from the transformy dream to the next one...
Weird.
Also, last night, I had a dream in which things kept being a dream. It was like -- like one of those pictures that it's possible that no one else sees but me, but where, in your head, you see an ice floe (For example -- yes, this has been in my head before). And on said ice floe, there's a polar bear. The polar bear tries to stand up, and the ice tips because his weight isn't centered anymore, if that makes sense. And in my head, I try to just keep the picture of the polar bear there before it tries to stand -- instead, the part where it stands up and then falls in the water keeps replaying in my head.
So, my dream was kind of similar to that bunch of dribble up there that you may or may not have understood.
In my dream, I was in my room (I mean, my room in the dream, so not my real room) and talking to my girlfriend, and -- the scene just kept evolving where I would suddenly become some sort of warrior or something, I always had some crazy weapon, but then it wasn't really me anymore, so the real me would come in and stop the crazy thing that I had just turned in to, but a few minutes later, it would happen again...
Anyways, I think it was stress-related. I felt bad for brandishing so many weapons in one night. I think there may have been a catapult involved at some point in the dream, too -- though that was kind of a transition from the transformy dream to the next one...
Weird.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Musing:
As I walked over the rain-wet grass on the way to the gym, conjugating the verb 'spelunking' in my head just for fun, I thought to myself: "I really am a strange person."
Monday, April 19, 2010
A simple comment
First of all, isn't it neat that when we nearly run into someone in our everyday lives, we both say the same thing, both the runner and the runnee? -- Something like "S'ari..." --- "Sorry"/"It's alright."
Also!
A beautiful image was just put by a friend of mine into my head, and I though I'd share it -- a portrait, if you will, of a mutual professor of ours...
Night before class, hair teased into a frenzy, she types on a floating laptop while upside down on a trapeze, giggling away as she puts aspects from her last dream into the questions she will pose the next day to the class. Then, in said class, she presents said question and waits for the innocent, naïve students to fall into her carefully woven web -- and snap! They come crashing in, choosing an answer on the pretense of knowledge she has recently imparted to them, how silly! Then, cackling in a midst of a dashing and smashing mish-mashing of countries and accents, she howls, "No, the answer is not (a) --- it's FOUR!"
Also!
A beautiful image was just put by a friend of mine into my head, and I though I'd share it -- a portrait, if you will, of a mutual professor of ours...
Night before class, hair teased into a frenzy, she types on a floating laptop while upside down on a trapeze, giggling away as she puts aspects from her last dream into the questions she will pose the next day to the class. Then, in said class, she presents said question and waits for the innocent, naïve students to fall into her carefully woven web -- and snap! They come crashing in, choosing an answer on the pretense of knowledge she has recently imparted to them, how silly! Then, cackling in a midst of a dashing and smashing mish-mashing of countries and accents, she howls, "No, the answer is not (a) --- it's FOUR!"
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Poor DNA...
I wonder if DNA feels awfully used when RNA polymerase just comes along, unzips it, copies all the information that it has inside, then drops off and says, "see ya! thanks for the info! I'm gonna use it for my own stuff now! No copyright or nuthin!! Hahaaa!" before going off and doing its own thing. I mean, just leaves DNA in the lurch, basically...
Or what about when nasty ol' d/dx comes along to ln(3x^2) + 3 and does its bwaahaha derivative dance, and then leaves, cackling, while poor natural log is all transformed, and that 3, its best friend, has been changed into nothing...
Who knew math and science could be so cruel?
Or what about when nasty ol' d/dx comes along to ln(3x^2) + 3 and does its bwaahaha derivative dance, and then leaves, cackling, while poor natural log is all transformed, and that 3, its best friend, has been changed into nothing...
Who knew math and science could be so cruel?
: )
So --- I feel about as happy as a rainbow right now, and I hope that somehow, I can let my mood fly to everyone around me so they can have it, too.
: )
: )
Chinese
"I see you from the sky
And I wonder how long it will take me to get home
I wait for an hour or so at the carousel
I have a cigarette to pass the time
Cause the traffic's hell
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
You wipe the tears from my eye
And you say that all that it takes is a phone call
I cry at the thought of being alone and then
I wonder how long it will take til I'm home again
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
I know it doesn't seem so fair
But I'll send you a postcard when I get there
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV"
-Lily Allen
And I wonder how long it will take me to get home
I wait for an hour or so at the carousel
I have a cigarette to pass the time
Cause the traffic's hell
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
You wipe the tears from my eye
And you say that all that it takes is a phone call
I cry at the thought of being alone and then
I wonder how long it will take til I'm home again
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
I know it doesn't seem so fair
But I'll send you a postcard when I get there
I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV
Tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk
And in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk
I'll be exhausted so I'll probably sleep
And we'll get a Chinese and watch TV"
-Lily Allen
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Public Restrooms....
ARE TERRIFYING!
First of all, there's always a shifty-looking lock. Like that little button in the middle of the doorknob -- how the heck is that supposed to keep the door from being opened?
Second of all, the toilet, it's like a MILE away from the door! So, IF that shifty lock didn't work there's NO way you'll be able to keep the door shut without catapaulting yourself across the room with your pants around your ankles!
And third of all, too much space. A toilet in the middle of a stadium is what it feels like. Definitely.
Fourth of all, tricksy wallpaper. You know what I'm talking about. Like, wallpaper with little ridges that might hide creepy things written underneath. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean.
Anyways, they make me nervous.
First of all, there's always a shifty-looking lock. Like that little button in the middle of the doorknob -- how the heck is that supposed to keep the door from being opened?
Second of all, the toilet, it's like a MILE away from the door! So, IF that shifty lock didn't work there's NO way you'll be able to keep the door shut without catapaulting yourself across the room with your pants around your ankles!
And third of all, too much space. A toilet in the middle of a stadium is what it feels like. Definitely.
Fourth of all, tricksy wallpaper. You know what I'm talking about. Like, wallpaper with little ridges that might hide creepy things written underneath. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean.
Anyways, they make me nervous.
So, Guess What?
---I'm feelin' like a hottie tonight.
It's such a wonderful feeling!
You know, I do have issues with self-esteem, but then again, I think so do a lot of people. So, to everyone who does, I ask -- aren't those times when it goes away just incredible? When you parade around your room in whatever outfit or mood you happen to be in that makes you feel like a movie star, and you just smile....
Anyways, it's a lovely mood to be in. I'm so happy!
--
I also have had Lady Gaga stuck in my head almost the entire day, except when she was briefly interrupted by Dvorák. Pushy dead composers. Who d'they think they are?
As Fridays go, today was a pretty good one. I wasn't sure I'd ever get out of bed when I woke up, but I did. Then, classes came and went, professors talked, and I listened or not, depending on which professor was speaking --- then there was homework, and finally, an evening of movies with a friend. It was a good time!
On to the weekend, everyone. Write yourself a to do list on which you have already completed three things, and include other things you haven't done like having breakfast, or tea, or chocolate.
Happy Saturday. : )
It's such a wonderful feeling!
You know, I do have issues with self-esteem, but then again, I think so do a lot of people. So, to everyone who does, I ask -- aren't those times when it goes away just incredible? When you parade around your room in whatever outfit or mood you happen to be in that makes you feel like a movie star, and you just smile....
Anyways, it's a lovely mood to be in. I'm so happy!
--
I also have had Lady Gaga stuck in my head almost the entire day, except when she was briefly interrupted by Dvorák. Pushy dead composers. Who d'they think they are?
As Fridays go, today was a pretty good one. I wasn't sure I'd ever get out of bed when I woke up, but I did. Then, classes came and went, professors talked, and I listened or not, depending on which professor was speaking --- then there was homework, and finally, an evening of movies with a friend. It was a good time!
On to the weekend, everyone. Write yourself a to do list on which you have already completed three things, and include other things you haven't done like having breakfast, or tea, or chocolate.
Happy Saturday. : )
Thursday, April 15, 2010
So, I'm sitting in a lovely house in Berkeley, the new babysitter, just having put two lovely girls to bed. It turns out that if you are teaching an ten year old girl guitar in this decade, you'll end up learning some Taylor Swift songs whether you like it or not.
Also, the littler girl, only 6 years old, looked at me with her big green eyes and asked me to read her a bedtime story. It was the book about Tango, the penguin --- some of you know it. If not, look it up: And Tango Makes Three. A lovely story.
I sat by her bed and read and showed her the pictures, and she asked for a hug before I left, and when I closed the door behind me, I saw her night light, and --- I had such a memory of that, the warm glow of the light that made falling asleep peaceful. I had forgotten that feeling.
-
So, some childhood memories tonight. And there was such calm as the older girl went to bed and I felt like curling up on the couch here with a soft blanket and gentle music playing --- but I remember that I'm in college with a stack of assignments that only grows and doesn't shrink, and if I want to wake up without it having risen above my head, I should get started now.
Also, the littler girl, only 6 years old, looked at me with her big green eyes and asked me to read her a bedtime story. It was the book about Tango, the penguin --- some of you know it. If not, look it up: And Tango Makes Three. A lovely story.
I sat by her bed and read and showed her the pictures, and she asked for a hug before I left, and when I closed the door behind me, I saw her night light, and --- I had such a memory of that, the warm glow of the light that made falling asleep peaceful. I had forgotten that feeling.
-
So, some childhood memories tonight. And there was such calm as the older girl went to bed and I felt like curling up on the couch here with a soft blanket and gentle music playing --- but I remember that I'm in college with a stack of assignments that only grows and doesn't shrink, and if I want to wake up without it having risen above my head, I should get started now.
Imitation: Flattery, Laziness, or Low Self Esteem?
There are so many people I admire.
There are my professors, whom I admire for their various abilities -- mathematical grace, subtlety in dance, ability to communicate, recollection of historical fact, and passion for language and culture respectively, and there are people that I admire in the world outside as well.
Some, I admire for prowess in music - for example, Benny Goodman, KT Tunstall, Al Petteway, Tchaikovsky.
There are those I admire for their literary works - Philip Pullman, Emily Brontë, Shakespeare, Orson Scott-Card.
However, at the moment, the ones that are coming to mind most strongly are the people whom I admire due to their amazing use of language.
This comes in different flavors as well. For example, I greatly admire David Tennant. His skill with acting astounds me and he can enchant me with his speech when he's chilling my insides as Hamlet or when he's bringing tears of laughter to my eyes as the Doctor. I realize, however, that as an actor, the words are not always his own; but I maintain that delivery is half the battle.
The person whom I admire most (at this point in my life) for speech is Stephen Fry, as mentioned in several posts below. I've had somewhat of a revelation about him tonight that I need to get on paper, virtual as this may be.
Before, when I ever heard Stephen Fry speak (either being interviewed or by reading his book ((which I highly recommend)) or by watching any of the videos that exist on youtube such as the one mentioned before), I could only think of the inadequacies of my own speech. I often avoided many shows or programs that had particularly clever, witty, or intelligent speakers on board because I felt it illuminated the chasm between us.
What's one way to deal with this chasm-needing-a-bridge? Imitation. I could try to sound like Stephen Fry. I've often wished I could.
And here's where I believe admiration to do with speech differs from the kinds of admiration (and thus imitation) that I mentioned above.
If I find a dance choreographer particularly inspiring, I will try to incorporate some of his/her ideas into my own dance and use them to help me grow as a dancer. If I listen to Tchaikovsky and bemoan the brilliant musicianship of the orchestra, to help myself get over it, I'll get out my own instruments and practice. Then, with the new practice, I can further my own pursuits. And if I listen, for instance, to my French professor and sigh about her nuances with the language, when I'm in my room later, I can study those verb charts until I see them with my eyes closed and eventually understand them, and become proficient enough in the language to start being me when I speak. (That's the dream, folks.)
But with admiring someone for speech, I feel it's different. I - I've finally realized that I don't want to be able to talk like Stephen Fry. I can't. I'd sound silly if I did. I feel like I would sound like the chemistry teacher in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, if any of you remember him. Mr. Turpentine, I think his name was. He asked Charlie if Charlie knew what he was going to do in his experiment and when Charlie returned a negative answer, he replied "Well, of course you don't know! If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you, and for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude; do I make myself clear?" -- A very silly man, I always thought. Too caught up in speech to make much sense.
But I digress. I think what I am trying to say is that in my admiration for Stephen Fry's speech, I can learn techniques from him, as I might from a famous composer or a math professor or a choreographer --- techniques that I can use to strengthen my own brand of art --- INSTEAD of trying to reproduce that which I admire.
Which is a good thing, too, 'cause I don't think I'd ever make it to that level. : )
There are my professors, whom I admire for their various abilities -- mathematical grace, subtlety in dance, ability to communicate, recollection of historical fact, and passion for language and culture respectively, and there are people that I admire in the world outside as well.
Some, I admire for prowess in music - for example, Benny Goodman, KT Tunstall, Al Petteway, Tchaikovsky.
There are those I admire for their literary works - Philip Pullman, Emily Brontë, Shakespeare, Orson Scott-Card.
However, at the moment, the ones that are coming to mind most strongly are the people whom I admire due to their amazing use of language.
This comes in different flavors as well. For example, I greatly admire David Tennant. His skill with acting astounds me and he can enchant me with his speech when he's chilling my insides as Hamlet or when he's bringing tears of laughter to my eyes as the Doctor. I realize, however, that as an actor, the words are not always his own; but I maintain that delivery is half the battle.
The person whom I admire most (at this point in my life) for speech is Stephen Fry, as mentioned in several posts below. I've had somewhat of a revelation about him tonight that I need to get on paper, virtual as this may be.
Before, when I ever heard Stephen Fry speak (either being interviewed or by reading his book ((which I highly recommend)) or by watching any of the videos that exist on youtube such as the one mentioned before), I could only think of the inadequacies of my own speech. I often avoided many shows or programs that had particularly clever, witty, or intelligent speakers on board because I felt it illuminated the chasm between us.
What's one way to deal with this chasm-needing-a-bridge? Imitation. I could try to sound like Stephen Fry. I've often wished I could.
And here's where I believe admiration to do with speech differs from the kinds of admiration (and thus imitation) that I mentioned above.
If I find a dance choreographer particularly inspiring, I will try to incorporate some of his/her ideas into my own dance and use them to help me grow as a dancer. If I listen to Tchaikovsky and bemoan the brilliant musicianship of the orchestra, to help myself get over it, I'll get out my own instruments and practice. Then, with the new practice, I can further my own pursuits. And if I listen, for instance, to my French professor and sigh about her nuances with the language, when I'm in my room later, I can study those verb charts until I see them with my eyes closed and eventually understand them, and become proficient enough in the language to start being me when I speak. (That's the dream, folks.)
But with admiring someone for speech, I feel it's different. I - I've finally realized that I don't want to be able to talk like Stephen Fry. I can't. I'd sound silly if I did. I feel like I would sound like the chemistry teacher in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, if any of you remember him. Mr. Turpentine, I think his name was. He asked Charlie if Charlie knew what he was going to do in his experiment and when Charlie returned a negative answer, he replied "Well, of course you don't know! If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you, and for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude; do I make myself clear?" -- A very silly man, I always thought. Too caught up in speech to make much sense.
But I digress. I think what I am trying to say is that in my admiration for Stephen Fry's speech, I can learn techniques from him, as I might from a famous composer or a math professor or a choreographer --- techniques that I can use to strengthen my own brand of art --- INSTEAD of trying to reproduce that which I admire.
Which is a good thing, too, 'cause I don't think I'd ever make it to that level. : )
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Continuation:
Just wanted to add that after listening to a bit more of that link that I posted below, I have decided that I NEVER want to be opposing Stephen Fry in a debate. Holy crap.
Just a little hero worship
"It would be impertinent and wrong of me to express any antagonism towards any individual who wishes to find salvation in whatever form they wish to express it."
Stephen Fry, you are amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhtOhwL8xk
Stephen Fry, you are amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhtOhwL8xk
I laugh differently upside-down
I've been doing some thinking about memories today.
How is it that when we are in the moment, in the present, everything we see, touch, hear, and smell is physical and real and undeniably there, but when we have a memory, it could be as faded as can be? Or, sometimes, it's just as vivid as when it really happened, except that the picture is behind our eyes instead of in front.
The power of memory fascinates me. Certain smells just transport me. I think it's a pretty common fact nowadays that scent memories are very strong -- I've certainly had that told to me several times -- and I'm not at all skeptical.
For instance, a certain perfume takes me back to a loving old building where I learned to dance and looked up to my babysitter-mentors. Another smell of an acidy, green sort takes me to my host family's house where I rubbed this thick, greenish paste on my 40+ mosquito bites at night.
But some smells aren't even that specific -- it's a combination that creates a memory. For instance, pine, tea, and bacon sizzling is Christmas morning to me. Then there's that detergent + shampoo + bodywash + person-ness that creates the exact scent-image of a person. I know if I had my eyes closed and someone knew those scents that meant certain people to me, I could be completely fooled, because they are so closely associated to that person --- and a nose is easier to fool than eyes.
-
Funny. I'm listening to a song right now from a summer camp that I attended for years, and simply the sound of the guitar in the slightly-echo-y recording room takes me back to those days of summer where friends were the point of my life and the songs we wrote were the deepest things on the planet. : )
How is it that when we are in the moment, in the present, everything we see, touch, hear, and smell is physical and real and undeniably there, but when we have a memory, it could be as faded as can be? Or, sometimes, it's just as vivid as when it really happened, except that the picture is behind our eyes instead of in front.
The power of memory fascinates me. Certain smells just transport me. I think it's a pretty common fact nowadays that scent memories are very strong -- I've certainly had that told to me several times -- and I'm not at all skeptical.
For instance, a certain perfume takes me back to a loving old building where I learned to dance and looked up to my babysitter-mentors. Another smell of an acidy, green sort takes me to my host family's house where I rubbed this thick, greenish paste on my 40+ mosquito bites at night.
But some smells aren't even that specific -- it's a combination that creates a memory. For instance, pine, tea, and bacon sizzling is Christmas morning to me. Then there's that detergent + shampoo + bodywash + person-ness that creates the exact scent-image of a person. I know if I had my eyes closed and someone knew those scents that meant certain people to me, I could be completely fooled, because they are so closely associated to that person --- and a nose is easier to fool than eyes.
-
Funny. I'm listening to a song right now from a summer camp that I attended for years, and simply the sound of the guitar in the slightly-echo-y recording room takes me back to those days of summer where friends were the point of my life and the songs we wrote were the deepest things on the planet. : )
Weather and Me
So, first of all, who knew there was a computer lab in the math building? Exciting discovery.
Second of all -- it always feels strange to me when my mood so blatantly contrasts the attitude of the weather. For instance, the other day, it was pouring down rain with glum gray skies, and I basically had rainbows coming from my ears and nose and mouth because of my mood. And today, the sun's shining, the sky is a striking blue, and a few minutes ago, I think my frown was almost touching the ground.
However, that has since changed, and I'm glad.
Thanks for the sunshine, world. It's doing me good.
Second of all -- it always feels strange to me when my mood so blatantly contrasts the attitude of the weather. For instance, the other day, it was pouring down rain with glum gray skies, and I basically had rainbows coming from my ears and nose and mouth because of my mood. And today, the sun's shining, the sky is a striking blue, and a few minutes ago, I think my frown was almost touching the ground.
However, that has since changed, and I'm glad.
Thanks for the sunshine, world. It's doing me good.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Decision!
If it's quarter to midnight, you're to meet a running buddy at seven and have to be in class at eight thirty, and you're in a good enough mood to not be able to stop smiling and to sing along to songs on your playlists and feel great about your voice and just about life in general ---
Stay up and enjoy it!
(I love those moments where the biggest thought on your mind really is, "Life is good.")
Stay up and enjoy it!
(I love those moments where the biggest thought on your mind really is, "Life is good.")
Careful: It's Catching
So, we're all familiar with procrastination.
I just wanted to mention that while my girlfriend was here visiting (wonderful lady she is), the two of us decided to write her up a contract of sorts. She had a couple things that she wished she was doing in her life and with a copy of these resolutions for each of us, she has it to remind her to do them as well as me. One of the items on said list is to 'get your homework and studying done as soon as possible. Procrastination WILL come back to haunt you in the end!" --- Very brave undertaking coming from my gal.
I talked to her this afternoon, and so far, it's been going really well for her. She really has been sticking to it.
Me, on the other hand --- ME, the girl who did homework first thing after school for years and years, who always has everything done several days in advance -- THIS IS THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW WHERE I WILL BE STARTING MY MATH HOMEWORK AROUND 10:30.
Nonchalantly updating my blog here...seems like such a reasonable thing to do.
And the wonderful (or terribly addicting) thing about it? I feel fine. I feel I still have time to get everything done. It's possible that the longer this goes on, the further away that feeling will travel, but who's to know...
So, anyways, -- dear girlfriend of mine, you gave it to me. :) So far, so good.
I just wanted to mention that while my girlfriend was here visiting (wonderful lady she is), the two of us decided to write her up a contract of sorts. She had a couple things that she wished she was doing in her life and with a copy of these resolutions for each of us, she has it to remind her to do them as well as me. One of the items on said list is to 'get your homework and studying done as soon as possible. Procrastination WILL come back to haunt you in the end!" --- Very brave undertaking coming from my gal.
I talked to her this afternoon, and so far, it's been going really well for her. She really has been sticking to it.
Me, on the other hand --- ME, the girl who did homework first thing after school for years and years, who always has everything done several days in advance -- THIS IS THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW WHERE I WILL BE STARTING MY MATH HOMEWORK AROUND 10:30.
Nonchalantly updating my blog here...seems like such a reasonable thing to do.
And the wonderful (or terribly addicting) thing about it? I feel fine. I feel I still have time to get everything done. It's possible that the longer this goes on, the further away that feeling will travel, but who's to know...
So, anyways, -- dear girlfriend of mine, you gave it to me. :) So far, so good.
Don't shoot the mediator!
On Tuesday evenings, I have a two-and-a-half hour long Anthropology course, in which certain people often get angry and rant. I feel terrible for our eighty-year-old professor. True, he's a little old-school about it, but he's fantastically politically correct and feminist-oriented for a man of his generation. Apparently, that's not enough for some people in the lecture. I often feel the need to throw some water on the fire in those discussions when people take his generalizations (that he acknowledges as generalizations) and blow them out of proportion and spout views that might elsewhere be radical and unheard of but are distinctly NOT SO on this campus.
-
On a different note, I had a couple odd moments with the prospie that I hosted a couple of nights ago due to the fact that I have a Bible on my bookshelf.
Can't I own a Bible without people assuming I'm Christian? Can't I read a few passages now and then without people thinking that that means that I support every twisted view that has come out of the Bible?
Can't we just try and realize that the Bible, the Christian Church, and the Christian faith are three completely separate things?
It'd be much appreciated.
-
On a different note, I had a couple odd moments with the prospie that I hosted a couple of nights ago due to the fact that I have a Bible on my bookshelf.
Can't I own a Bible without people assuming I'm Christian? Can't I read a few passages now and then without people thinking that that means that I support every twisted view that has come out of the Bible?
Can't we just try and realize that the Bible, the Christian Church, and the Christian faith are three completely separate things?
It'd be much appreciated.
Languages, for Cryin' on Pete!
I really am happy at my college, it's true. However, after just having met with my adorable Parisian advisor, I have a few complaints that I wish the administrators would hear.
LANGUAGES ARE IMPORTANT. LANGUAGES ARE NOT SECOND-TIER TO MATH, BIOLOGY, OR CHEMISTRY. ENCORPORATE A LANGUAGE REQUIREMENT, PLEASE.
And while you're at it, why not have a German department. Just sayin'.
Thanks.
LANGUAGES ARE IMPORTANT. LANGUAGES ARE NOT SECOND-TIER TO MATH, BIOLOGY, OR CHEMISTRY. ENCORPORATE A LANGUAGE REQUIREMENT, PLEASE.
And while you're at it, why not have a German department. Just sayin'.
Thanks.
Understanding
Remark:
Sometimes, it's okay not to be understood. I don't mean the kind of angsty -- "no one understands me and no one ever will" kind of misunderstanding. I just mean, I think this is something I need to learn.
As an extreme people-person, there are people that I talk to about my moods when I'm upset. And sometimes, there's that one person that you think will understand, no matter what, because usually, they do.
But sometimes, through no fault of theirs, that person can't understand. Maybe it's because what you are feeling isn't really all that understandable when it's expressed through writing, or speech, or any method of communication that you can manage. And so you are misunderstood, or you are not understood. Those are two different things.
And when that happens, especially with that one person who you thought would understand, then all that's left is you, with your feeling.
So, maybe what I'm trying to convince myself of here is that it's okay to be alone, simply feeling.
It's a scary thought, isn't it? Being alone.
Not one of my favorite things.
However, I think it's a non-lethal condition, though it is very widely feared.
---
So, sometimes, your feelings are just for you, even if you'd like them to be shared. If you share them and they come across wrong, take a deep breath. Shrug.
There will always be another feeling. Boy oh boy, they do come and go.
Sometimes, it's okay not to be understood. I don't mean the kind of angsty -- "no one understands me and no one ever will" kind of misunderstanding. I just mean, I think this is something I need to learn.
As an extreme people-person, there are people that I talk to about my moods when I'm upset. And sometimes, there's that one person that you think will understand, no matter what, because usually, they do.
But sometimes, through no fault of theirs, that person can't understand. Maybe it's because what you are feeling isn't really all that understandable when it's expressed through writing, or speech, or any method of communication that you can manage. And so you are misunderstood, or you are not understood. Those are two different things.
And when that happens, especially with that one person who you thought would understand, then all that's left is you, with your feeling.
So, maybe what I'm trying to convince myself of here is that it's okay to be alone, simply feeling.
It's a scary thought, isn't it? Being alone.
Not one of my favorite things.
However, I think it's a non-lethal condition, though it is very widely feared.
---
So, sometimes, your feelings are just for you, even if you'd like them to be shared. If you share them and they come across wrong, take a deep breath. Shrug.
There will always be another feeling. Boy oh boy, they do come and go.
Monday, April 12, 2010
An Evening of 'All Over the Place'
So, the song of the evening: St. Peter's Bones by Girlyman. Really, a recommendation.
The frustration of the evening: Technology (yes, yes, even after today's skype-happy post. Things went downhill with anything computer-related after that. Maybe this is techno-karma.)
Evil of the evening: Getting one's period. 0_0
It turns me into the bitch of my own emotions, running from simply sad to excited to absolutely depressed and back to joy, then to loneliness and then to wonder -- all in the middle of calculus homework. Frankly, it's exhausting. It's a bodily function of which I do not approve. (except for it's function and all. Kinda important.)
--
Speaking of calculus, the excitements of the day include: Good ice cream after dinner, lovely phone conversation with my girlfriend, an almost certain job as a TA next semester for Calculus (!!!!!), and a FANTASTIC cup of tea. In that light, maybe it's more doable. I mean, if I look at those good things, maybe this day doesn't have to end so sadly after all.
Can I get a rousing chorus of 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?'
Way to go, my optimists. Well done, all.
The frustration of the evening: Technology (yes, yes, even after today's skype-happy post. Things went downhill with anything computer-related after that. Maybe this is techno-karma.)
Evil of the evening: Getting one's period. 0_0
It turns me into the bitch of my own emotions, running from simply sad to excited to absolutely depressed and back to joy, then to loneliness and then to wonder -- all in the middle of calculus homework. Frankly, it's exhausting. It's a bodily function of which I do not approve. (except for it's function and all. Kinda important.)
--
Speaking of calculus, the excitements of the day include: Good ice cream after dinner, lovely phone conversation with my girlfriend, an almost certain job as a TA next semester for Calculus (!!!!!), and a FANTASTIC cup of tea. In that light, maybe it's more doable. I mean, if I look at those good things, maybe this day doesn't have to end so sadly after all.
Can I get a rousing chorus of 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?'
Way to go, my optimists. Well done, all.
Skype, and Phone Calls in General
Skype is a wonderful invention. Anything that allows me to suddenly hear my girlfriend's voice from across the ocean at the mere click of a button.... Yes, I realize the phone is also a wonderful thing, but mine won't make that trans-atlantic call, where as Skype will.
Awesome.
Also, got a card in the mail from my older sister today. As a younger sister, this makes me all glowy inside.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Also, got a card in the mail from my older sister today. As a younger sister, this makes me all glowy inside.
Awesome.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
You Would Make Such a Bitchy Jesus
So, 'tis Accepted Students Visiting Weekend, here at that oh-so-feminist Women's College.
Lovely idea in principle. It was, in fact, this visiting weekend that made my decision last year at this time for me to come here. However, now as a hosting residential student, I see another side.
My room, my lovely room, my room that I don't want to have to leave next semester and don't want to have to pack everything up from at the end of this one --- this room was crowded enough when my girlfriend (only one person) was staying here. I was given THREE prospective students to host for the night. Somethin' bless them, there they all are sleeping on the hardwood floor in sleeping bags. I remember that night well.
--
Other than that, a mildly uneventful day. I had a visit from my father, which was lovely although too short. Short visits always make me wonder whether they are worth it. I love my parents very much, but when I see them for only a day (I'm from the other coast, so visits are rare and often it's because they have some business or other out here that isn't visiting me), it makes these feelings from home well up inside and sometimes I'd rather do without those. But then again, it's hard for me to feel that I don't want to see them. I've been remarkably lucky, I realize, to not have the experience very often of not wanting to be around my parents. I'm very grateful for that.
-
For the sake of anyone reading this, I think I'll have to sign off on that ridiculous excuse for a conclusion. 8:30 french class calls for at least a midnight bedtime, especially when I have to drag three sleep-drunk prospies out of their sleeping bags to get them to their next destination by 7:45.
Wish me luck.
Lovely idea in principle. It was, in fact, this visiting weekend that made my decision last year at this time for me to come here. However, now as a hosting residential student, I see another side.
My room, my lovely room, my room that I don't want to have to leave next semester and don't want to have to pack everything up from at the end of this one --- this room was crowded enough when my girlfriend (only one person) was staying here. I was given THREE prospective students to host for the night. Somethin' bless them, there they all are sleeping on the hardwood floor in sleeping bags. I remember that night well.
--
Other than that, a mildly uneventful day. I had a visit from my father, which was lovely although too short. Short visits always make me wonder whether they are worth it. I love my parents very much, but when I see them for only a day (I'm from the other coast, so visits are rare and often it's because they have some business or other out here that isn't visiting me), it makes these feelings from home well up inside and sometimes I'd rather do without those. But then again, it's hard for me to feel that I don't want to see them. I've been remarkably lucky, I realize, to not have the experience very often of not wanting to be around my parents. I'm very grateful for that.
-
For the sake of anyone reading this, I think I'll have to sign off on that ridiculous excuse for a conclusion. 8:30 french class calls for at least a midnight bedtime, especially when I have to drag three sleep-drunk prospies out of their sleeping bags to get them to their next destination by 7:45.
Wish me luck.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Women's College
So, a women's college --- I'm told not to say 'girl's school' here, and that's just the beginning.
Growing up in a backwoods town where people constantly talk about the 'wufs hawlin' down by the crik', I thought a liberal arts women's college on the West coast sounded downright smashing.
And it is, for the most part.
Except for all the bloody women!
Don't get me wrong. I like women. I really do. Hell, I've been in a long-distance (seriously, folks - bi-continentally long distance!) relationship with one for the past two and a half years! But I guess I never quite realized what it would be like to have classes with, eat with, talk with, study with, and live with only women!
Some of the gals around here are quite lovely; not too high strung, not too apt to explode into something dramatic at the drop of a pencil -
and yet, the energy waves of drama permeate the dorms like the faintest hint of a skunk: not too horrible from this distance but impossible to ignore now that you know it's there.
I'm glad to not be (anymore) part of any sport team on campus. I was, for the first semester of this, my freshman (woman) year, a member of the crew team - complete with getting up at 5 for practice, losing my social life to find a bedtime that suited the 5 a.m. wake-up call, having team members take over tables at dinner (so that the friends I had by choice instead of by team-association would eventually leave) and then having exceedingly lewd conversations ensue.
But I listen to some of the drama coming from the swimming team, the volleyball team, the soccer team --- even back from the crew team, and I can feel the tension loosen in my shoulders as I remember that I'm not a part of it anymore.
But, like that hint of skunk, the air of drama sinks in and people get used to it. It's permeated a couple of my friendships lately , and because we're all such moody, selfish chicks at this girl school, we'll see how long it takes until it gets resolved!
--
Needless to say, it's times like these that make me miss (more than usual) my guy friends, with whom I can sit and talk (or not), watch stupid movies and tv shows, discuss life for five minutes and then give it up for ordering pizza.
Those were the days, I tell ya.
Growing up in a backwoods town where people constantly talk about the 'wufs hawlin' down by the crik', I thought a liberal arts women's college on the West coast sounded downright smashing.
And it is, for the most part.
Except for all the bloody women!
Don't get me wrong. I like women. I really do. Hell, I've been in a long-distance (seriously, folks - bi-continentally long distance!) relationship with one for the past two and a half years! But I guess I never quite realized what it would be like to have classes with, eat with, talk with, study with, and live with only women!
Some of the gals around here are quite lovely; not too high strung, not too apt to explode into something dramatic at the drop of a pencil -
and yet, the energy waves of drama permeate the dorms like the faintest hint of a skunk: not too horrible from this distance but impossible to ignore now that you know it's there.
I'm glad to not be (anymore) part of any sport team on campus. I was, for the first semester of this, my freshman (woman) year, a member of the crew team - complete with getting up at 5 for practice, losing my social life to find a bedtime that suited the 5 a.m. wake-up call, having team members take over tables at dinner (so that the friends I had by choice instead of by team-association would eventually leave) and then having exceedingly lewd conversations ensue.
But I listen to some of the drama coming from the swimming team, the volleyball team, the soccer team --- even back from the crew team, and I can feel the tension loosen in my shoulders as I remember that I'm not a part of it anymore.
But, like that hint of skunk, the air of drama sinks in and people get used to it. It's permeated a couple of my friendships lately , and because we're all such moody, selfish chicks at this girl school, we'll see how long it takes until it gets resolved!
--
Needless to say, it's times like these that make me miss (more than usual) my guy friends, with whom I can sit and talk (or not), watch stupid movies and tv shows, discuss life for five minutes and then give it up for ordering pizza.
Those were the days, I tell ya.
Day 1
When I wrote my traditional 'To Do' list for this weekend, 'start a blog' was not an item therein. It was not even in the 'do if you get the chance' column. No, folks, this is not a documented, planned, or thought-out decision.
What can you expect here?
Thoughts on music, math, long-distance relationships, languages, college, and movies - possibly with some philosophising thrown in.
If it suits you, keep on reading.
Thanks for reading thus far!
What can you expect here?
Thoughts on music, math, long-distance relationships, languages, college, and movies - possibly with some philosophising thrown in.
If it suits you, keep on reading.
Thanks for reading thus far!
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